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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
10-24-03, 11:19 AM
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#1
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Eddy.
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Time is dancing..(Real Short)
IP: FF40 570D
Dancin of time..
The tickin of the clock.. happy pointin out time.. Slidin with numbers... pointin out the forgetten time.. A un-inportant understatement.. from back in the days.. The time has bein gone fast.. or atleast.. What inportant was..
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Fuck you |
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10-26-03, 12:44 AM
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#2
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Spectator
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IP: 1A70 9542
Im pretty sure the idea here is a good one. If what I can understand of it, I am correct in.. But, it is, as I call my newly purchased house.. a 'fixer upper'.. a good foundation to be built upon. And I dont mean lengthened, just tidied up a little. I do understand what you are saying in the piece, but the need to decypher it distracts from the poem itself unfortunately.
Okie, Im losing myself here.. gonna shut up now.
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Great spirits often encounter violent opposition from mediocre minds.
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10-26-03, 01:26 AM
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#3
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Atra Ludio or Hip-Hop?
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IP: ABE5 5A5C
I've never read any of your works, have I? Oh well, glad to begin doing so.
This peice was cerainly stranged. I think this seemed more fanciful then anything else. That's all I can really say. I got the feeling that the meaning to this was, as time goes on, whatever is important tends to lose it's value. I'm not sure. Flights of fancy poetry isn't my strong suit. ~Shalom~ |
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10-26-03, 02:40 AM
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#4
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Guest
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IP: FCDC 4558
different...kind of confusing...makes sense on the surface, i don't know if there is much underneath...perhaps u could do spell check before u post..just a suggestion...
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10-26-03, 08:59 AM
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#5
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Eddy.
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IP: FF40 570D
Its to confuse the reader aswell..
The aspects of time, .. Its memory related.. Personal..My view.. Deep emotions in a little piece, .. Maybe could express better to the reader, But i feld it.. Just look at the time..thats keep passin by.. More feedback plz...
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Fuck you |
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10-26-03, 01:25 PM
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#6
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one wink
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IP: 17A6 BC21
Spelling counts...
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10-26-03, 04:34 PM
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#7
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Guest
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IP: 739C DB67
yea I agree, I generally am not a stickler for spelling or anything like that but I did feel like the gramatical errors in this peice, spelling aside, distracted from what it could have been. Short peices are intended to hit hard.... I didn't feel this met it's full potential... but again it's a very interesting and vague topic... this could mean a variety of things and that's what great poetry does, relates with everyone! Decent drop, keep elevatin, peace
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