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09-30-03, 11:58 PM | #1 | ||||||
Guest
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Hellbound
IP: 9B33 081B
I look into my childs eyes and see the world glow
Reach into the wild see stars shine down below Define the reasoning behind you reap what you sow In the end you'll have to repay all that you owe Pain breeds a change you will never escape How can one man ever learn to change his fate? Deep inside I yearn to banish this inner hate For gods sake I fake the will to run this race At this snails paced planned rate We are doomed to forever repeat damned mistakes Drowning quickly in the sulfuric lake I survive barely if only for my childs sake When the lord opened his arms to me and then spake I finally gave in and filled my plate Replaced hate with love still a minute to late Forever bound by the apple poor adam ate I look into my childs eyes and see the world glow Reach into the wild see stars shine down below Define the reasoning behind you reap what you sow In the end you'll have to repay all that you owe As i walk two broken legs carry this wounded shell In this livid sentence of undeserved and misplaced hell It seems I'm afflicted by some type of horrendous spell Hard to tell how long and deep the morningstar fell In this dark and cavernous well i search to quell My continous thirst for the knowledge of this ominous bell Subtle words play softly in the foreground of my mind Slowly spinning silent symphonies sending shivers down my spine The demons use my carcass as a feast on which to dine No longer is my soul my own and my body is not mine And so I spout spiritual epiphanies line by fucking line If the GOOD LORD exists its about time for a sign And just then the night dissolved into golden sunshine Inside I knew the end was near and everything was just fine I look into my childs eyes and see the world glow Reach into the wild see stars shine down below Define the reasoning behind you reap what you sow In the end you'll have to repay all that you owe |
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10-01-03, 06:48 AM | #2 | |||||
Masquarading 4 U
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IP: 6F9E F23B
not bad, very heartfelt, I like it and thought it was entertaining
__________________
sigs are for herbs...Thats why I got one! |
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10-01-03, 06:53 AM | #3 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 19AF 50C1
i agree this wasnt a bad peace by any means i give you mad ;props twin
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10-01-03, 07:06 AM | #4 | |||||||
Banned
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IP: 1501 77A0
"I look into my childs eyes and see the world glow
Reach into the wild see stars shine down below Define the reasoning behind you reap what you sow In the end you'll have to repay all that you owe" for real, that was one of the nicest choruses i read on OM for a long long time, deep, meaninful, creative imaginative, flowed like water..................................... first verse was alrite, the opener could have been a bit stronger, u know so u interest the reader into reading the whole thing, but your flow was nice, and your style was very orginal i liked that the most about your first verse, you just have a different apporach to this, your content was good, but like i dunno if adding more multies would help your flow cause at some like 1 or 2 lines it was kinda off [but not by much] but nnaa forget adding in more multies it will throw off your content...............anywayz that was a dope first verse............................................. ....................... "As i walk two broken legs carry this wounded shell" dope starter "The demons use my carcass as a feast on which to dine" oh dear! is someone a bit evil, lol "And so I spout spiritual epiphanies line by fucking line If the GOOD LORD exists its about time for a sign" dope "Inside I knew the end was near and everything was just fine"dope ender i liked the second verse better then the first, wow first piece i read of yours, you is d-o-p-e flow's good, creative imaginative and your structure is strong, rhymes are gripping......... good job done.....................................keep it up |
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10-01-03, 03:15 PM | #5 | |||||||
BANNED: Cheater
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IP: 9B91 D0C6
it seemed a dark theme, but was there, i thought the second verse was the stronger, it seemed to folw better - better structure, but on the hole thought it was quite good.....
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10-01-03, 03:59 PM | #6 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 690B 80D9
i thought this piece had a good flow second verse was alittle beter than the first but the first was still dope....
yo the title was good...haha.... "As i walk two broken legs carry this wounded shell In this livid sentence of undeserved and misplaced hell"...i think that was one of the best bits maybe even the best... yo thats got me in the mood so im gona drop check it out when its done plz.... keep dropin dawg.....props.... |
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