RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 09-29-03, 03:34 PM   #1
MeNTiLL
The Golden Chyld
 
MeNTiLL's Avatar
 
Posts: 641
Joined: Feb 2003
From: Beantown
Status: Offline
Text Record: 9-2
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
SomeWhere In Between

IP: 17B3 6207

Dark nights spark life and love is found there
Hearts like the park wife and no1 around cares
But some are bound they're destined for better
Pretty with brown hair accepttin' the letter
One pair of clothes worn down sweater makin' a livin'
Hittin' rundown buildin' in frowned weather life takin' from children
Breakin' civilians Tryna make that quick buck The top dollar
Sacred chameleons Hit the block But go to work Popped collar
The block baller gettin' his money right No complaints
Two shots holler But still she gives up No restraints
No mistakes Some see her as a good girl gone bad
No estates Talkin' to herself "Why are you gone dad?"
Wrong Sad Sittin' up late nights all alone cryin'
Long Sagged Givin' up now But was once known for tryin
But theres no denyin' That the route she's on now she can't turn back
Life slow Retirin' Lost so many essentials that she can't earn back
A burned back But doesn't show it It's hard to make the green
She learned that So now there's two men She's somewhere in between
Send a message via AIM to MeNTiLL Send a message via Yahoo to MeNTiLL   Reply With Quote
Old 09-29-03, 05:02 PM   #2
Evolve
OriginIll
 
Posts: 2,104
Joined: Aug 2002
Status: Offline
Text Record: 17-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: D79C 2834

That was pretty nice Ment... Nice imagery & it flowed well...Not bad
  Reply With Quote
Old 09-29-03, 08:09 PM   #3
gotaloveforrap
Banned for being stupid
 
gotaloveforrap's Avatar
 
Posts: 497
Joined: Sep 2003
From: Phoenix, AZ
Status: Offline
Text Record: 3-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: A549 F087

i was feelin that, it had great flow, and the content and topic were both original. like ^^ he said it had great imagery. the wordplay and vocab were also nice as well. overall that was a good post, keep postin man i enjoyed readin that.

yo can u hit me post up if u have the time?
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=82558
thanx

peace.....
Send a message via AIM to gotaloveforrap Send a message via Yahoo to gotaloveforrap   Reply With Quote
Old 09-29-03, 09:33 PM   #4
Menik
Word.
 
Menik's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,017
Joined: Aug 2003
From: Mifflinburg, PA
Status: Offline
IP: 76B1 9A60

yeah this was a good peice, a good read as well, you had good content, and your flow was good, your wordplay was good also, and you had good vocab, overall id say it was a good peice, keep dropping.
Send a message via AIM to Menik Send a message via MSN to Menik   Reply With Quote
Old 09-30-03, 12:01 PM   #5
MeNTiLL
The Golden Chyld
 
MeNTiLL's Avatar
 
Posts: 641
Joined: Feb 2003
From: Beantown
Status: Offline
Text Record: 9-2
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 17B3 6207

Thanks for the replies...They appreciated...More?
Send a message via AIM to MeNTiLL Send a message via Yahoo to MeNTiLL   Reply With Quote
Old 10-01-03, 12:32 PM   #6
MeNTiLL
The Golden Chyld
 
MeNTiLL's Avatar
 
Posts: 641
Joined: Feb 2003
From: Beantown
Status: Offline
Text Record: 9-2
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 17B3 6207

Uppin' for some more feedback...Peace
Send a message via AIM to MeNTiLL Send a message via Yahoo to MeNTiLL   Reply With Quote
Old 10-01-03, 01:19 PM   #7
Alias-C
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 4577 CD9A

"Dark nights spark life and love is found there
Hearts like the park wife and no1 around cares"
Strong opening... shit flows nicely and shows imagery....
and the rest of the post is pretty much like this... good shit...
Post was nice and short.... and it don't suddenly stop like you didn't have time to finish it or something...it concludes well man...

-1-
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-01-03, 01:25 PM   #8
Baron Mynd
Banned: Spamming
 
Baron Mynd's Avatar
 
Posts: 4,021
Joined: Oct 2002
From: England
Status: Offline
Text Record: 4-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 1B6B AD68

Not bad my man, you got into the topic nicely, pretty decent imagery, flow was ok, you worked a couple multi's into the piece nicely, it could use a couple internals to hold the readers attention a little more, but good emotion shown in this, flow was decent for the most part, all in all not a bad drop.

You've got potential.
__________________
W o r d P e r f e c t




^This is your IP bitch!
Send a message via AIM to Baron Mynd   Reply With Quote
Old 10-01-03, 01:25 PM   #9
MeNTiLL
The Golden Chyld
 
MeNTiLL's Avatar
 
Posts: 641
Joined: Feb 2003
From: Beantown
Status: Offline
Text Record: 9-2
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 17B3 6207

Good look...I appreciate the feedback...Peace
Send a message via AIM to MeNTiLL Send a message via Yahoo to MeNTiLL   Reply With Quote
Old 10-01-03, 07:37 PM   #10
MeNTiLL
The Golden Chyld
 
MeNTiLL's Avatar
 
Posts: 641
Joined: Feb 2003
From: Beantown
Status: Offline
Text Record: 9-2
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 892A D861

Uppin' again...
Send a message via AIM to MeNTiLL Send a message via Yahoo to MeNTiLL   Reply With Quote
Old 10-01-03, 08:09 PM   #11
SoFFiX
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 399E F0FD

This Was A Dope Piece.........Good Use Of Imagery.....Dope Ass Multi's.......Your Structure Was Solid.......The Delivery Of Flow Was On Point.....SO This Was An Overall Good Piece...

8.0/10.0
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-01-03, 10:52 PM   #12
Jay Pana
dot dot dot
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Aug 2002
From: Jersey
Status: Offline
Text Record: 6-6
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 36BE 1024

one word...

dope.

Send a message via AIM to Jay Pana   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-03, 01:34 PM   #13
MeNTiLL
The Golden Chyld
 
MeNTiLL's Avatar
 
Posts: 641
Joined: Feb 2003
From: Beantown
Status: Offline
Text Record: 9-2
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 17B3 6207

Uppin one more time...Peace
Send a message via AIM to MeNTiLL Send a message via Yahoo to MeNTiLL   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:23 PM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.