Being bored is a sin to me . . These "faults" seem deplored by contingencies
I thought it was a cologne; but, hell I think Allure is the industry
Birds of prey learn to sway, and we've left the vultures infatuated
Let us rejoice with a Western hymn: "Cheers! Our culture is saturated!"
Obsession with the "phattest clothes," whilst oppression will combat with blows
A simple smile's frowned upon 'cause it seems depression is the status quo
Am I alone in my quest? My quest to deface and clean the tears. .
Am I the only one who has occupants in the space between my ears?
The tumor's the source - meanwhile, our own consumers are coarse
Why laugh at witless jokes when we know that the humour is forced?
Are there solutions? Can we salvage years of embracing the dead?
Can we claim what's rightfully ours and take back the space in our head?
I don't know the answers . . Unfortunately, I can't seem to slow advancers
Minds to waste behind in haste - Our bodies teem with boneless cancer
This isn't a cry for attention . . I label it a "concernful dispute."
But that's the problem - fuck a label; Let us return to our roots!

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...> Eh...Was Alrite...Stay Up <.....

Um...K...what can i say..this was

This was...Really dope

Your vocab was like WOAH...Structure was solid throughtout and got a really smooth flow of it...The lines was packed full of meanings

This isn't a cry for attention . . I label it a "concernful dispute."
But that's the problem - fuck a label; Let us return to our roots!

^^Seemed like the sort of line that meant something of value to you


Obsession with the "phattest clothes," whilst oppression will combat with blows
A simple smile's frowned upon 'cause it seems depression is the status quo

Other lines that stayed on topic with some real tight multis

...::Overall::...

Amazing drop...Very enjoyable read...Props

Yeah this was a good piece, it made a good read i thought too, it flowed good through out the piece, your vocab was good, content was good as well, overall a good piece, keep dropping..

and if you could return the feedback..
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=83050

that first kid shud be shot....

anyway....like most of your pieces i was feeling this

enjoyed the whole thing and didnt have to force myself to read it like alot of verses
the imagery was spot on for this piece...and the sentences linked together really well..ie they all had a relative point
agree with your views on the topic...which helped but it was an overall solid verse...not classic but good

'Are there solutions? Can we salvage years of embracing the dead?
Can we claim what's rightfully ours and take back the space in our head
^although simple in many parts the view point and expression is really good
liked this line..people seem to have become robots to society...

plenty of quotables...vocab was solid..flow good...and u expressed yourself well in a simple but thought provoking format
props

thank'ya. . upped for feedback.

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I was feelin this piece, .....the vocab like potent stated was real hot, ...and high, ..nice concept and a real nice imagery, ...flow was there ^^plus some line made me kinda think
plus the anger u put in some lines was real nice to read to.

Are there solutions? Can we salvage years of embracing the dead?
Can we claim what's rightfully ours and take back the space in our head?
I don't know the answers . . Unfortunately, I can't seem to slow advancers
Minds to waste behind in haste - Our bodies teem with boneless cancer

And olso i liked these lines real nice drop

Would u be so kind so hit up my open mic wit ayura and a poetry piece of me ^^Preciated

Pz

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Fuck you

This was dopeness, it had real nice flo, vocab and content
I even laughed out loud at a couple parts

Being bored is a sin to me . . These "faults" seem deplored by contingencies
I thought it was a cologne; but, hell I think Allure is the industry
Birds of prey learn to sway, and we've left the vultures infatuated
Let us rejoice with a Western hymn: "Cheers! Our culture is saturated!"
^nice wordplay and use of humour

each part was dope as an individual, but I think that it could of tied together a little better

The tumor's the source - meanwhile, our own consumers are coarse
Why laugh at witless jokes when we know that the humour is forced?
^you seemed to get a little off topic here

but I liked the whole hip-hop theme that you kept relating back to
I was definetly a good read but I thought it could of been a little more unified
very nice piece though, you obviously know how to write, lol
I'd give it an 8/10
Props, Keep dropp'n
Hit up my collab with Hazy.B (Stalker's Intuition) if you get a chance, peace

good point - I kind of rushed the conclusion . Thanks for the insight.

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