My thaughts are called absurd/
my speech is slightly slurred/
so just say the word and you catchin hell sir/
and it hurt like hell dog you gon' think you at the beach/
cuz its so many shells wit all that mothafuckin heat/
not many otha brothas really wanna fuck wit me/
cuz i'll flip a clip so quick wit buck you end up stuck wit me/
some niggas call me Gannon/
cuz I'm quick to bust a bigga gun some niggas call a cannon/
burn you up like you was tannin lookin like you need a fannin'/
you gon' be a crash landin/
when hollows hit yo head band my man you wont be standin/
let alone steppin up, we reppin and weoponed up/
so its in yo best interest to not start messin up/
when niggas see me on the street they yellin "watch out"/
Cuz he's pullin somethin big from his fuckin crocth out/
and you can get knocked out yeah the kid is comin/
feedin all the faggot niggas ammunition to the stomach/
cuz you bitchin like a woman mothafuckin female/
this aint Demolition Man but you can get three shells/
and no this aint retail but I got it fa cheap/
and you can get em e-mailed to yo ass in yo sleep/
Its yo Nitemarre dog and I dont been winnin/
wit many mo' woman so catch me when I'm not grinnin/

Holla at ya mans...

and it hurt like hell dog you gon' think you at the beach/
cuz its so many shells wit all that mothafuckin heat/
not many otha brothas really wanna fuck wit me/
cuz i'll flip a clip so quick wit buck you end up stuck wit me/


^^watch ya rhymin words, try not to use same ending twice in a row unless you makin some kind of song shit or w/e.

some other places you need to work on too, just dont get in too much of a hurry when u tryin to ryhme cause you might figure out it dont rhyme at all.

If this wuz ur first one, its alright.
Keep writin'

{Love}

good lookin............................................ ....................................
.................................uppin............ ............................................

Yo keep elevatin...

floh slipped
vocab was kinda simple
structure was aight...

like he said keep writin...

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lines were jus not good......sorry to be blunt but look at camaracs or knightshade or summit coz they have some hot open mics.....peace

Yes, if you stay active and keep writing here you'll elevate. And it's good to incorporate more wordplay, metas and multies in your pieces, that makes them more interesting to read. Stay active.

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What the fuck is this?

.................................................. uppin............................................. .................................................. .................................................. ....