This is a song inspired bout this friend of mine that died the other day.... this will also be in audio once i can get a chance to put it all together ..... so feed back is much appriciated

The DownFall

(x2)
yeah i know
yeah i know
how could this happen to me
how could this happen to me

with every breath i breathe capicity depleats//
anger turns my eyes into piercing military fleets//
tha bluegrey, nice and pretty causin havoc//
parents so dissapointed if thay knew my habbit//
but i didn't think a thang was wrong at all//
couple weeks later i witnessed my downfall//
a blue color caller kid, goin tha right way//
temptation flipped tha script now i in dissmay//
which way to turn now? no help from those//
tried ta go to church, hypocrites sittin all in a row//
no where ta go, all my friends weren't there//
burnt bridges as i proceeded, now nobody cares//
forced to grow up soon than i thought i did//
lookin like a man, but inside just a demented kid//
all because i fail tha test put out infront of me//
whats become of me? one blink, feet came out from under me//

(x2)
yeah i know
yeah i know
how could this happen to me
how could this happen to me

finally, a lil twist, thangs startin ta look up//
found a way i could survive by makin a buck//
but pride set in, i'm too much of a man to clean//
title of janitor, hell no, that ain't tha american dream//
began ta develope a suicidal mindframe//
whatta damn shame, growin up high iq in my brain//
in tha darkest hour a girl walks up shinning tha light//
even thou i lookin haggard sumn said it'll be aight//
where did she come from, well who tha hell knows//
its weird kuz i recognize that lil slope nose//
is that? couldn't be, voted most likely to secceed//
well yup yes it is, damn her too caught up like me//
two's company now, guess i companion in all of this//
i guess while i was dazzed there was sumn that i missed//
i gotta girl now, time to make this relationship binded//
uh oh! tides turned, bout 9 months, ya i timed it//

(x2)
yeah i know
yeah i know
how could this happen to me
how could this happen to me

a baby boy, pride and joy unfit ta parent//
don't want ta set a chain reaction, sumn to inherrit//
try ta teach right, while infested wit wrong//
new mentality now, me and my girl gotta be dad and mom//
hadda fight just when i tried ta pull it all together//
woke up all alone, girl and son gone forever//
hardships and hurt kinda gettin old but thats my life//
no money, no child, and now no wife//
whats tha point of goin on, feel like i already dead//
internally blead, every since me and my obsession met//
why couldn't i have stayed clean more ways than one//
now i'm that man on tha streets made fun by everyone//
days just run together, closer and closer to death//
forget a breath, i just tryin ta find a way to shorten whats left//
how can i put i stop ta all of this, a quik fix?//
answer came takin my last breath, my life was just a myth//

(x2)
yeah i know
yeah i know
how could this happen to me
how could this happen to me

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damn dude that was some deep shit, u could tell u put alot of emotion and time into makin that, the vocab and wordplay were good, the content and topic were definietly original, the only critiscism ima give is try and make the hook a little more complex, i dunno, i might just depend on the reader, but i thought that could be elevated a little more, its a shame this is gettin slept on cause that was an excellent post.

peace.....

Nice song bro' I think it's great, I don't have much feedback other than I like it the way it is, and you do what u want to it.

And gotaloveforrap, it's kinda annoying when you post tha same thing for everyone just like Masta C.

Yeah that was a hard song. Yo vocab is higher than average around here. Yo song was real deep, if that shit really happened then you get my deepest condolences too. Keep writin dog..

we see... when its audio... you'll see why tha chorus is like that...
tha beat plays nicely wit it...

and thanx for tha feedback...

Uppin

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this shit was tight, liked tha concept....

can't wait to hear tha audio.....

Peace

Yeah this was a good piece...i could feel the emoticion in this as i read it...your vocab was good i thought...it flowed pretty well through out it too...your wordplay was very nice as well...your structure was good also...overall it was a good piece...keep dropping.

thanx ya'll....

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yo i think that was deep man...it had a dope flow aswell....i'll be waitin for it to come out on audio..........props....peace...

I can't wait for the audio!! This was a dope piece filled with tons of emotion. i like it when a song makes me catch feelings and this shit sure did. I give ya your props and growing and be easy
~1~

PEEP MY SHIT -

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=84039