So much pain
So many lies
No confidence to gain
All because of your lies

Broken hearts
Lost friends
How did this start
When did it end

Friends were never there
Family was always gone
Only one person cared
Will this last long?

We never see each other anymore
I felt so used
You made me feel like such a whore
I feel so mentally abused

You said you loved me
That was obviously a lie
I thought maybe we were meant to be
Until that idea flew by...

You broke my heart
And you ripped it in two
You tore me apart
And to think.. it's all because of you...

Hey Gyrl ..
This piece had potential, the emotion was definately there, but you could work on how you chose to get the reader to feel that same emotion...Maybe be a little more descriptive..add some similies, metaphors...This was nice but there's definately room for elevation..
Stay up and keep postin.
Pz.

In the begining the structure was a little shaky and your rhyme
scheme wasnt so much on point but then as you got more
comfortable and open to your pain that you were writing about
it started to flow much better... like she said it has mad potential
you could just read through it once more and just look at the
words and i know you will come up with things that fit better and make it better as a whole... thats what i do.... i read it and read
it until i think its finally okay. everyone is their own worst critic.
all in all good piece. Keep writing.

__________________
<BR><h3><color=black><center><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=left LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 width=300>*~*~*Lady Wun*~*~*</MARQUEE></color></center></h3>
<BR>
<BR><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=up LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 height=100> <center><font color=000000><I>*~*~*~*~*</p>I'm invisible to the unseen eye</p>I'm undeniable strength</p>*~*~*~*~*~*</p>Merk Squad</MARQUEE></center><I>

I liked this piece...you have talent theres no doubt. I liked the structure and the flow. I also seen that your a new-bie so welcome to R & B. ..

peAce

Good drop here. Your emotion was felt and it was easy to read and understand. keep elavatin peace

Nice writing. I have felt the same way with someone that I love. She left me to go with another. Im in the same boat and it really sucks. Through the relationships that I have had I have lost many friends and gained many enemies. There are things I wish I didnt do in my life but I cant change it now. Believe me BrokenWings, I know where you are coming from and keep writing. I will continue to give you feeback on your writings.

MM