man, i can't stop laughin at half these cats rappin//
usin ho's in videos insteada skillz for the attraction//
all the latest fashions and all the jewelry flashin//
really don't mean shit if its the skillz that your lackin//
what happened to rappin yo? NOW IT'S A FAHION SHOW//
i supose i"m suposed to go buy some flashy clothes//
but i'm just your average Joe tryin to get a little dough
in this game , but i see mimmicks that copy gimmicks yo//
but i stay on my toes like tennis and shut'em out like roger clemens, FUCK THE IMAGE! reconize te skillz from start to finish//
i bring strength to the game like i just ate som spinach//
while your dancin all around like your name was richard simmons//


(ERASE YOUR NAME AND YOUR FAME// WIT TWELVE BARS OF HATE FOR THE GAME)

You had some good points in here, Rap is gettin' to commercial now, and you played that topic out well.

"all the latest fashions and all the jewelry flashin//
really don't mean shit if its the skillz that your lackin//" - that was one of your better lines dawg, had good meaning, had the flow n' rhyme..nice.

You certainly know about meta's, and internals, you had numerous throughout. You had some nice wordplay too:
"i bring strength to the game like i just ate som spinach//"!

Try to increase your vocab slightly, although you don't need to expand ti alot, try to use a a more structure piece next time, add a hook or something to help keep it up.

Nice though, you got mad potential dawg, stick wit it!