We were never extremely close friends at school, we used to talk, maybe, if we had time,
But neither of us really made the effort to get to know each other properly,
I regret that now. Sometimes we sat together in assembly, stood in line,
While we waited for dinner, but nothing much, we weren't best friends you see,
But we knew each other. Sometimes shared secrets, but rarely played games,
In the schoolyard at break, i miss that now. I remember we used to call a girl names,
Kirsty Ford, the one who sat in the corner and cried at lunchtime,
Because nobody asked her to join in the fun with them, skipping or football.
And one time when we cleaned out the cupboard, and got locked in by Mrs Newby,
And we screamed for ten minutes before we were found and released,
And we told the whole class there was a monster in there, lurking in the shadows,
Among boxes and old costumes we used in the play when we were in second grade,
When I was Mary and you were the Innkeeper, who wouldn't let me stay the night.
I can remember the time you had a sleepover, and invited me, Joanne and Adele,
And that girl Faye turned up later on, and we squirted shaving foam all over her face.
And she got it in her eyes and had to get checked out by the doctor, we made her cry.
But it wasn't long before we said sorry and made up again.
Or the time when we had the School Sports Day, and we cheated to win the last race,
By pushing Racheal out of the way, just inches before the finish line.
When I think back on the past days spent at school, its your face that still comes to mind,
Though we weren't the best of friends, you gave me the best times of my life.
For example the time I spilt paint on Dales jumper, and it all ended up in a fight,
But you told Mr Kay that it was all Dales fault, so for me it worked out all right.
Or the time we told our Moms we were sleeping at Kates, and we spent the night under the stars,
And we got chased off by the man with the dog, and we sat in the playpark for hours,
Until the sun came up and we went home to our beds, fast asleep within a few minutes.
And even the time we fell out over nothing, and didnt speak to each other for weeks.
But when we made up we seemed closer than ever, like nobody could split us apart.
Sure, we had our arguements, had our fights, but couldn't stay mad very long.
With all these memories you can imagine my tears, when i opened the paper last December;
And though you've passed on, it hardly seems strange, Lily Carter, its you i still remember.

hey this took like forever to write so pleez dont sleep on it y'all. i'll check yours out, u know, return the favour? oh and if anyone feels in a kind mood today they can check my battle in front lines.

Liba Dee v Da_Renegade

Damn, awesome drop Liba Dee. Brought my attention in and had nice structure. This is one of ur best. Brought back memories for me. Keep droppin, Most respect.

most pieces are slept on, n newbie, if you gonna post, leave some decent feedback dumbass... ill break it down for ya


Topic: like it, really felt it, its not played at all either.

Wordplay: wasnt really any but, to me, seemed more of a style that doesnt call for it, it was a great drop by its self, vocab was good, didnt over elaborate, yet wasnt to simple.

FLOW: another style thing i liked it, but i like rymes so i wasnt feeling it too much, but for the style of the piece it fit well, structure an complexity were deff there supporting your emotion in it, kinda have to picture the emotion threw the experiences you listed, liked that idea.

Overall: 9/10..


yo if you want, wanna return the favor to my post a world so cold, being slept on too...

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthr...&threadid=83926



..resp..

I really felt this, i could feel your emotions.

Very nice peice pretty sad too.

Keep it up

ill drop girl, i liked tha imagery, mad emotion felt, good wordplay, not much of a rhyme scheme but it was a poetic piece so thats all good, all in all i thought this drop was clean, keep livin tha realness.~1~

Awesome piece girl. It brings up memories good and bad. This is one that I wont soon forget. Keep droppin liba dee.

MM

wow thanx for all the feed evry1 it is appriciated!

in all honsetly liba ma...this seemed to me in the beginning like a Jessica Simpson song or something....lol...it was coo..their right...this kind of topcal structure isnt seen that much...or this looong....heh....i read quite a bit of it...i wont lie....im sure the rest are lying to you though....

to be real wit you ma...most cats wont wanna read a poem this long....you should find the strengths in your piece and find a way to summarize your thoughts without them being seen here as being repetitive....ya feel me....

igido

__________________
freelance

RN Vs RB WAR!!....yr 2000...vet~~YEA I SAID VET!! WHAT YOU WANT ME TO PROVE IT? STEP THEN YOU FUCKING HOMO'S

feelin you Madd, aint spoke to u for ages! how ya feelin?