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Old 10-11-03, 07:50 PM   #1
/:Ayura:\
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The Shores of Confusion And Reality

IP: CC07 EC19

Standing on the edge, I look into the depths of the shore
My cold breath soars, I stand and hold my head torn
In a distort force, I feel the pressure of the breeze
I take a ruler to sleep just to measure my dreams
To measure the time to the line of confusion & reality
I move to illusion's activity's, trying to search for an answer
Motionless freelancer, toothless black panther
Atmosphere shattered by the sledge-hammer
Shining auras grow broader in my minds sun
Shadows grow darker in my dark lifes sun
My toes clench against the edge of chaos
As I watch the tide come in, and the rocks take off
Sea chaos, Im in the dry, staring at the aquarium
Now you cats chase my cheese
My mind's mice claws start tearing
I hold emotions, and throw them in chao's ocean
No longer is my gun empty, or my sword broken
This water, im looking in the grinning face of death
But my spray can protects me as I embrace on his text
The Phantom Painter, Ghost writer, Shape Changer
Poltergiest calligraphy, Letter Drifter Sentence Raider








Last edited by /:Ayura:\ : 10-13-03 at 09:48 AM.
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Old 10-11-03, 10:59 PM   #2
yog_dogg
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thats was okay... i wasnt really feelin this one but for the most part it was good the flow was good but the rest of it was just okay like the vocab but hey keep postin and elevatin and return the favour check out http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=84957
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Old 10-11-03, 11:12 PM   #3
gbacd
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i thought it was pretty nice, i'll have to agree with yog-dogg
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Old 10-13-03, 01:31 AM   #4
Drummerman
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i also agree wi th yog_dogg
it was good
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Old 10-13-03, 08:07 AM   #5
/:Ayura:\
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thanx
still upping this peice though
im not sure people quite understand this

but its about the borderline upon reality and confusion, the physical definition. How can you tell the differance?
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Old 10-13-03, 09:23 AM   #6
rule
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HOT...i really enjoyed that piece, the wordplay and metas reallu caught my eye, damn straight flow was great as well

Standing on the edge, I look into the depths of the shore
My cold breath soars, I stand and hold my head torn---

/\--that was a damn great opening...a lot of emotion

In a distort force, I feel the pressure of the breeze
I take a ruler to sleep just to measure my dreams---

that was also very dope, i could sence the hate and worry of thoughts...seemed really interesting

To measure the time to the line of confusion & reality
I move to illusion's activity's, trying to search for an answer
Motionless freelancer, toothless black panther
Atmosphere shattered by the sledge-hammer----

Also extreamily well writtin..."toothless Black panther" very unique i thought

Shining auras grow broader in my minds sun
Shadows grow darker in my dark lifes sun
My toes clench against the edge of chaos
As I watch the tide come in, and the rocks take off
Sea chaos, Im in the dry, staring at the aquarium
Now you cats chase my cheese
My mind's mice claws start tearing---

Very well worded, had a great feel of the title plus the emotion and thought

I hold emotions, and throw them in chao's ocean
No longer is my gun empty, or my sword broken
This water, im looking in the grinning face of death
But my spray can protects me as I embrace on his text

^^that was off the hook, you could really imagine tyhe gun empty and you looking ito the water...great lines

The Phantom Painter, Ghost writer, Shape Changer
Poltergiest calligraphy, Letter Drifter Sentence Raider---

damn...that was hot as fuck, the flow was quick but the creativity was amazing...great ending..all in all great piece...peep myn...Word Yet Unrevealed
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Old 10-13-03, 09:46 AM   #7
/:Ayura:\
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wow

Thanx for the reply, mos def i'll reply to your's. I was trying to get the point across of how can you define when your in reality, and when your in illusion

upping this though
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Old 10-13-03, 12:21 PM   #8
D-Dizzle
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Yo I usually don't come thru Open Mic no more because I havn't really been felling the insperation...I just so happen to stop thrue and I see you shit, Damn! I thought this was dope......

"move to illusion's activity's, trying to search for an answer
Motionless freelancer, toothless black panther
Atmosphere shattered by the sledge-hammer"........

Whoo..nice shit dog, dope flow which alot of poeple 'can't do on text....imagary and concet is top notch..I can really find nothing wrong with it.....
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Old 10-13-03, 02:22 PM   #9
/:Ayura:\
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thanx bruv, really do apreciate it. i think im on the level where i can truely start thinging about making records
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Old 10-13-03, 03:27 PM   #10
/:Ayura:\
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upping this people
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Old 10-13-03, 04:00 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally posted by rule
HOT...i really enjoyed that piece, the wordplay and metas reallu caught my eye, damn straight flow was great as well

Standing on the edge, I look into the depths of the shore
My cold breath soars, I stand and hold my head torn---

/\--that was a damn great opening...a lot of emotion

In a distort force, I feel the pressure of the breeze
I take a ruler to sleep just to measure my dreams---

that was also very dope, i could sence the hate and worry of thoughts...seemed really interesting

To measure the time to the line of confusion & reality
I move to illusion's activity's, trying to search for an answer
Motionless freelancer, toothless black panther
Atmosphere shattered by the sledge-hammer----

Also extreamily well writtin..."toothless Black panther" very unique i thought

Shining auras grow broader in my minds sun
Shadows grow darker in my dark lifes sun
My toes clench against the edge of chaos
As I watch the tide come in, and the rocks take off
Sea chaos, Im in the dry, staring at the aquarium
Now you cats chase my cheese
My mind's mice claws start tearing---

Very well worded, had a great feel of the title plus the emotion and thought

I hold emotions, and throw them in chao's ocean
No longer is my gun empty, or my sword broken
This water, im looking in the grinning face of death
But my spray can protects me as I embrace on his text

^^that was off the hook, you could really imagine tyhe gun empty and you looking ito the water...great lines

The Phantom Painter, Ghost writer, Shape Changer
Poltergiest calligraphy, Letter Drifter Sentence Raider---

damn...that was hot as fuck, the flow was quick but the creativity was amazing...great ending..all in all great piece...peep myn...Word Yet Unrevealed


Wow I really liked your piece except for the last lines I think the last line were just to make it longer but this piece is my legend book..........
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Old 10-13-03, 04:08 PM   #12
/:Ayura:\
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lol thanx
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Old 10-13-03, 04:58 PM   #13
Edicius
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Iite piece,...

u struggled a little wit ur flow, ...but ur concept was well explained tru some hot vocab ....u kept it real nice on topic, ....
real nice enjoyable piece, ..but try not to struggle in flow, ...
that would make it even better...
Props..
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Old 10-14-03, 02:47 PM   #14
/:Ayura:\
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thanx 4 da feedback, but im still uppin this though
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