RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 10-18-03, 09:31 AM   #1
LOCKSTOCK
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
lil diss (have a look)

IP: C444 58BC

this is basically about some kid at school, who bites more than a fat man. please give feedback as you can tell i aint exacly some 50 million quid rapper

i spit my lyrics so hard you might as well eat my flem/
who ya tryin to be some kind fatboy eminem/
i think every west side gangsta has been biten/
why dont you say something that you have actually written/.

your the worlds first 8 mile peadophile/
you try to emulate eminem you need your own style/
you bite so much your worse than vile/
if you were on the radio i'd definetly mess with the dial/.

i know its short but hey im still learning, so give me some feedback.
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-03, 03:13 PM   #2
Dev
1E
 
Posts: 1,512
Joined: Oct 2003
From: N.E.England
Status: Offline
Text Record: 15-3
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 9B91 D0C6

this was not good man, it was very basic, the structure was off,
it was like you took a bunch of words you wanted to rhyme and then just filled in the rest...............try using metas and strong punch lines, when ya dis'n.........and multis always go down good..........keep practcing....hope you take on board the feed...see ya
Send a message via AIM to Dev   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:28 PM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.