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Old 10-20-03, 07:14 PM   #1
Gene Pool
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Posts: 283
Disguised by Death

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Verse #1: (written by Masta C)
Fatal blows given every day by people I care-for..
They don’t mean what they say, I don’t know if I can bear-more..
Important things always forgotten like it was a hassle..
Making me feel like Im nothing, and with this Im not bashful..
Constantly ignored like im the new-kid, feeling morally stupid..
I have hate to-rid, you asked who did it, you-did…
Inside me is like a grave yard, so many casualties that-died..
Cause I feel barred, and my feelings arent still like slack-tides…
And no one knows the pain that they cause to hurt-me…
Everythings blurry, and this life I live I feel like im not worthy..

Verse #2: (written by Gene Pool)
I'ma been done spittin in a senseless of the unwritten rhythm/
cuz I've been done spent, from this timelessly endless event/
will this life, ever come down with that hard shout of sense/
no because for me, life's only worth next to 2 pence/
but let me make this clear to u, my life/
related around drugs, booze, but left without the crew to cruise/
afflicted in this infliction of my own self isolation/
got me chasin in this racin, but I’m lackin all of the motivation/
cuz this downing drowsy shit, got me feelin sick/
like some kind of twisted, livin this without no self manipulation/
and it’s hard, looking at life, through my eyes/
cuz with every passing day, another piece of me slowly dies/

Chorus:
Death-disguised cause im next-to-die..
I have no breath-no-lies, hurting my chest-inside..
no rest, no cries, no taste to strive, on this life, like haste/
it just burns the eyes, cuz it's just death's disguise/

Verse #3: (written by Masta C)
No one cares, its just not fair, but why do I still go-for?..
I have no reasons, the moment Im seizin, I cant take no-more..
Im stripped-of-pride, and im ripped-inside, like I was made-of-paper…
Living a life of lies, nothings real, isnt it great?-im-faker…
You see me as “that-guy” to go to, to tell me fat-lies..
But like a dead person I soon too will lack-life…
So many lies Im feeling as though im part-fake…
A new start-makes, nothing but more heart-ache..
Being put down, smiles turned to depressing frowns…
Treated me like a clown, in my tears I now drown..

Verse #4: (written by Gene Pool)
whether it’s death’s design, or I’m just blind/
I can’t seem to lay rest my eyes, cuz I’m awake in a sleepless bind/
herded like a sheep, until I’m shrouded by death’s disguise/
brittle and I’m weak, cuz christ has left my side/
ppl askin me questions left and right, to much that I can handle/
then suddenly I break down and tears strike through my eyes/
cuz this life, got me runnin, so I hide inside myself/
try to restrain my thoughts, but no, cuz nothing helps/
and it drives me mad, sadness is only second class, to my undying past/
and I wonder, how much longer can this shit last?/
Obviously not long, cuz this 9 mil/
is singin to sweet a song/

Chorus:
Death-deisguised cause im next-to-die.. (masta C)
I have no breath-no-lies, hurting my chest-inside.. (masta C)
no rest, no cries, no taste to strive, on this life, like haste/ (Gene Pool)
it just burns the eyes, cuz it's just death's disguise/ (Gene pool)
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<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>Atmosphere - inspirations of following in the footsteps of story tellin rhymes</table></center>

<center>Corrupted Visions</center>

<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>Giving Sight A Third Eye</table></center>
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Old 10-20-03, 07:29 PM   #2
Menik
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Yeah if you check this out leave us some feedback on this, its much appreciated, Thanks.
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Old 10-20-03, 08:58 PM   #3
jego
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yo nice song guys i was really feeling it. its tight to read some shit that had some deeper meaning and isnt just like "damn im the baddest mcee and i'll fuck up who ever wants test me" bullshit. your shit was real and talkin bout some real shit. nothin bad i can say really...nice song u guys shoudl try recordin it and puttin some beats behind it....i dont know what kind of rap yall is into but i'd produce some shit for it. nice job
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Old 10-20-03, 09:06 PM   #4
Gene Pool
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yo thanx for the feedback bro it's muchly appreciated. and as before I would record my stuff with Masta C but the only problem is that I ain't got a mic or anything so I'm sorta in a bind when it comes to that. and incase u's wonderin what kinda rap I'm into it's mostly underground and all the old school shit that "used" to be good. but keep the feedback comin peeps. thanx in advance.
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<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>Atmosphere - inspirations of following in the footsteps of story tellin rhymes</table></center>

<center>Corrupted Visions</center>

<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>Giving Sight A Third Eye</table></center>
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Old 10-20-03, 09:18 PM   #5
e.coli
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From: Da X
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yo this was a tight drop by both of u. i was feelin the vocab and the rhyme scheme. the chorus was dope my niggaz. keep droppin dope pieces.

holla
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Old 10-20-03, 10:58 PM   #6
Stratus
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alot of dope lines in here, flow was on point on both of your parts, good concept you guys held it down tightyl and everything, nice written.
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Old 10-21-03, 03:02 AM   #7
Menik
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Hey thanks for the feedback, keep the feedback coming, its much appreciated, thanks.
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Old 10-21-03, 01:05 PM   #8
Dev
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thought masta's first verse was strong, nice flow and tight content, but could have done wit h a couple of decent multis.
genes first verse was good, the flow was good and i liked the structure, and a couple of not bad multis,
the hook, i didn't like much, but thats fuck all....
thought the second verses from you both wern't as strong as the first, but they were still ok, just wasn't feelin them as much...keep doin it....peace!
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Old 10-21-03, 01:44 PM   #9
Da_Legend
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IDK, i beg to differ I thought both of Masta's verses were iiight

Gene came nice with it, loved his verses, good vocab, flow was there
Ill give masta credit for a steady flow but thats about it

the chorus tho, was off the chain, loved that, flowed really nice

masta needs to improve lyric wise, he got structure and flow, he jes needs better lyrics
good collabo tho

the chorus made me felt this more tho hahaha

7.8/10
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Old 10-21-03, 01:57 PM   #10
celitc
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I LIKED YALL SONG THAT SHIT WAS REAL KID AND I THOURHT THE CHORUS WAS GANGSTA I WAS LOVIN ON IT. KEEP YALL SHIT BANGING.HOLLA
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Old 10-21-03, 02:35 PM   #11
Ken Dawg
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Thumbs down Legend

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I was feeling this piece....both your first verses were good, Masta had good use of multies in both verses...Gene had better flow i thought....structure was good by both of you....the chorus was good, i was feeling it....i dont know what Da_Legend is talking about how Masta needs to improve lyric wise, Legend dont know shit i checked his open mic and it sucks so dont bash other thats are better than you...Good Piece Guys..
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Old 10-21-03, 05:49 PM   #12
Menik
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Hey thanks for the feedback, keep it coming, its much appreciated, thanks.
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Old 10-21-03, 11:49 PM   #13
Gene Pool
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yo ppl just uppin this and also thanx for all the feedback so far so just keep it comin peeps. much appreciated thanx in advance.

also ppl check out my new song I'll be postin some time tomorrow called "Bloodied Dreams (sleepless nights)" it's proply my most illin piece I've ever wrote so if u guys could and if u extra time check it out and leave me some feedback. thanx again peeps. keep it real peace.
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<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>Atmosphere - inspirations of following in the footsteps of story tellin rhymes</table></center>

<center>Corrupted Visions</center>

<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>Giving Sight A Third Eye</table></center>
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Old 10-22-03, 12:43 AM   #14
Mr.Christensen
Fuck You, I Rhyme Better
 
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damn kids, good job here
masta... both verses were good but you do need to up the word choice... your flow was great here...i liked the 1st verse more

gene...good job, im not used to reading alot of your so i cant give that great advice... flow needs little work...your vocab and multis could be touched up here or there....'sides that good job

Great collab gents
Masta already hit this up, but im leaving it here anyway
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=87052
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Old 10-22-03, 01:24 AM   #15
Rap Chick Spitta
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Good Collab you guys, Gene Pool had good flow got a little choppy at point but it stayed on point most of the time, Gene had good use of vocab, Masta's flow was good through out his verses, he had good multies , vocab was alright, and both had good structure, Da_Legend dont know what hes talking about..but good drop you guys. Looking forward to more pieces. ~Ur Gurrrl~Rap Chicka
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