Submerged in deep seas, I hold the scriptures burning
There must of been slut mary, if the other was a virgin
Invoke the serpent, I swim in the depths of the deserts
Cus the grains of expression fall like shell's from the weapons
Tounge stepping, mouth running, the vocal sprinter
Im chasing the light on the beach, but it's power grows dimmer
I realise death is promised, but imagination isn't
Cus the leafs of my scroll's will breath my creation's wisdom
Graff'in the massive arm's of my creative construction
My art form embosses flames of raging combustion
Marking territory, the milky way is the gate to my gallery
Magically, expression exposed in the o-zone's callories
Smooth like butter on skin I chase the colors of the wind
Swift freelancer, whisking colors on mother nature's chin
I shine like black and white moonlight, blind sight's
Hopeless thoughts are captured in my creative life's
My brains division divides the reality side to illusion
Combined into a compound, I bomb sound in my music
Bombard the elements, I sit on the star's thinking
With my pen and pad, my hearts content..........................

upping this

This was..dope, ..

Expression..real,...personal...deep..

Vocab was good..and flow was on point..


Graff'in the massive arm's of my creative construction
My art form embosses flames of raging combustion

Specially like these lines..

Some nice immagery..and some nice aspects,...in the concept u were usin...

Real nice..

__________________
Fuck you

Submerged in deep seas, I hold the scriptures burning
There must of been slut mary, if the other was a virgin
<nice opener, second line could of been different>

Invoke the serpent, I swim in the depths of the deserts
Cus the grains of expression fall like shell's from the weapons
<deep shit>

Tounge stepping, mouth running, the vocal sprinter
Im chasing the light on the beach, but it's power grows dimmer
<it all hot, another nice line>

realise death is promised, but imagination isn't
Cus the leafs of my scroll's will breath my creation's wisdom
<not ur best line, but good>

Graff'in the massive arm's of my creative construction
My art form embosses flames of raging combustion
<i kno this is a personal line, the graff'in bit, nice line>

Marking territory, the milky way is the gate to my gallery
Magically, expression exposed in the o-zone's callories
Smooth like butter on skin I chase the colors of the wind
Swift freelancer, whisking colors on mother nature's chin
I shine like black and white moonlight, blind sight's
Hopeless thoughts are captured in my creative life's
My brains division divides the reality side to illusion
Combined into a compound, I bomb sound in my music
Bombard the elements, I sit on the star's thinking
With my pen and pad, my hearts content..........................
<just ill, as fuck, it all jus sic, an off the hook dawg, i'll be peepin all ur shit from now>

damn lol thanx for the feedback. upping this though

Peep...My open mic...First love....Preciated..

__________________
Fuck you

very tight peice, good vocab, structure was ill, the wiordplay and flow ans vocab was off the hook, you really brought imaegery good metas an ish..peace

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

good job here kid,
flow was off the hook, it was smooth as hell
mulits were good, vocab and word choice were good as well

i like the line about chasing at the beach...

if you would be so kind
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=87052

Yo Ayura... That's the first Rap post I read... it was tight an I feel good when compliments on my work come from someone as deep as you... keep it up an let me know when you ready to collaberate.

Fav lines

"I realise death is promised, but imagination isn't
Cus the leafs of my scroll's will breath my creation's wisdom
Graff'in the massive arm's of my creative construction
My art form embosses flames of raging combustion"

"I shine like black and white moonlight, blind sight's
Hopeless thoughts are captured in my creative life's"

I like this line coz I feel I can relate... Some deep shit.

"Bombard the elements, I sit on the star's thinking
With my pen and pad, my hearts content.........................."

Effective ending creating a suitable mood of hope, strive an your 'love'
(which is the main word here) for your poetry an music.

For the sake of RB... Keep it up.