RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 10-19-03, 07:51 PM   #1
Maven
...
 
Maven's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,119
Joined: Apr 2003
Status: Offline
TTI: Mute Life

IP: A9A7 727D

Sometimes The Noises Stand Poised On The Edge Of The Cliff
And It Annoys Us More And More With Every Single Vocal Riff
So The Tv Changer In My Pocket Trembles In Locked Anticipation
As The Sounds Crashing Down Acts As Frowns Of Precipitation
The Crowns Of Abbreiviation Lie On The Heads Of The Ignorant
When The Tumor Is Malignant, They Feel The Need To Signal It
With Flashing Neon Lights, Slashing Out At Anyone Who Fights
For The Rights Of The The Terrorists Who Suffer From Stage Fright
Draw My Many Buttoned Pistol,Point It Straight At The Wet Whistle
It Won't Close And Stop Shreikin About Their Saints And Epistles
Exerting Pressure On The Switch, And A Switch Indeed Occured
Not A Snitched Snatch Of Speach (Read: Nobody Said A Word)
You Wonder Why Everyone Silenced Their Cries All Of A Sudden
As I Wander On Down The Hall, My Finger Still On The Mute Button

*click*
__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis
Send a message via AIM to Maven   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-03, 07:53 PM   #2
redragon
Banned 4 biting
 
redragon's Avatar
 
Posts: 460
Joined: Feb 2003
From: at home in the middle of no where
Status: Offline
Text Record: 4-5
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: ABE5 5A5C

Dope..
Work on vocab and metties,if you'd be so kind.Drop feed on my open mic Running the game and Goodfight goodnight
Send a message via AIM to redragon Send a message via Yahoo to redragon   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-03, 07:54 PM   #3
K.Largo
ShO-Nuff. Fuckers
 
K.Largo's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,263
Joined: Mar 2003
From: Finland
Status: Offline
Text Record: 29-9
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: C1DA C961

damn man the way u word stuff .....just dope....
the subject was kinda cool..like the way u made a little thing
into a big thing..u know what i mean........Props
__________________
MerK SquAd.

<center><img src=http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=8889&stc=1></center>
Send a message via AIM to K.Largo Send a message via Yahoo to K.Largo   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-03, 09:56 PM   #4
Sureal
-Real Time-
 
Posts: 1,751
Joined: Dec 2002
From: B.C. Canada
Status: Offline
IP: FA73 9713

Best Peice, That I've Seen From You. Like Woah.
Great, Great Peice.. *Goes To Nominate*
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-03, 10:18 PM   #5
rule
..Soft Focus..
 
rule's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,639
Joined: Jun 2003
From: Ont.
Status: Offline
Text Record: 21-12
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: EE90 39CE

wow...that was dope
flowed good, vocab was ill, wordplay was creative as hell, that was hot, great read, peace
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-20-03, 06:20 AM   #6
Seraphe
BANNED
 
Seraphe's Avatar
 
Posts: 81
Joined: Oct 2003
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: ABE5 FC72

Ok, 'this was dope' replies donmt help anyone, so. .

Nice verse for the tourney, a little short to really get into / indepth with, you should of expanded it, made it longer and ran w. the topic a more. Its good that your using internals, but a lot were basic 1 or 2 syllable inners, you need to make them into 3 or 4 syllable multi's to make it dope, add some spice to it. Your flow was decent, although off in some areas, you seemed to sacrifice the flow for content / vocab, the long words at the end of the lines threw your flow off course in a lot of lines, imagery was decent, again, could of been better if you'd of extended this i felt, you had a few good lines in there, worded ok, nothing too quoteable, your transition needs A LOT of work, you drift from one idea to the other too quickly, its like you write two lines then go straight into a totally seperate idea, try finding ways to link them, you need at least 4 lines on the same subject to make it dope

i actually liked this, im just tired of kids saying 'this was dope' =- that helps no one. this wasnt legendary, you've done better, IVE SEEN you do better, YOU KNOW you've done better

it was good, i liked it, but yeah, you needed some real crit. = )
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-20-03, 07:02 AM   #7
WORD~PERFECT
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 19AF 50C1

sometimes lengh effects the message i feel that happened here you fell short of an exqisit drop by sipplying am mediocore amount of info.
you exploi5t such talet on other drops i felt this had to be rushed cause ive read your previous and this is so generalized.
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-20-03, 09:23 AM   #8
LiraculKorean
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 763B ECE4

damn... this shit is hot son! the metas were so fuckn clean! it flowed almost flawless .... the topic was dope.. but i lost meaning in a few parts.. maybe my perception wasnt pickn up all the images though i caught alot of it.. definitly some dope peice.. a shortie but the best read of the day.. i give it a 9/10 keep droppn and much propz. one.
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-03, 08:13 PM   #9
Maven
...
 
Maven's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,119
Joined: Apr 2003
Status: Offline
IP: 4E29 CC21

up
__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis
Send a message via AIM to Maven   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:08 PM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.