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10-23-03, 06:33 PM | #1 | |||
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[Wk3] Whitelightning vs Feeble Minded
IP: A9A7 727D
Verses Due: Friday, October 31st 2003
Voting Ends: Monday, November 3rd 2003 Pick A Topic From This List Make it Dope.
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Life isn't a bitch... she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis |
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10-25-03, 11:55 PM | #2 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 4577 CD9A
well, im in !
Last edited by Feeble Minded : 10-27-03 at 09:03 PM. |
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10-27-03, 12:58 PM | #3 | |||||||
De M-O-D Bruk
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IP: 3B20 6C52
checkin in
I am gunna do The Extra Mile.... Voted On: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...0589#post870589
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It's Gunna Be Some Stuff You Gon' See, That's Gunna Make It Hard To Smile In Da Future...
-Pac Shakur Acro Nim The Initial,Period I Speak Out Battles Pink Slips 007 Pt. 2 Fuck Bruklor aka Self.
Last edited by whitelightning : 10-28-03 at 04:55 PM. |
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10-27-03, 04:52 PM | #4 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: C1DA C961
i'll do the 8 miles.. like eminem
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10-28-03, 04:46 PM | #5 | |||||||
De M-O-D Bruk
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IP: 3B20 6C52
*walks on the stage...looks up and sees only one person listening*
*Puts the mic up to his mouth* Your the only person that needs to hear this... The only person to take this to heart The Beginning: Moving On In A Continual Adventure I Meet Another Challenge At Lifes Colourful Juncture Adversity Is A Normal Eradic Occurence People Approach It With Such A Blinding Ingnorence TRANSLATION: We Both Promised Not To Conform A New Breed Of Relationships To Be Born The Respect We Had Seemed Endlessly Deep Feelings Were Strong To Infinitely Keep Sacrifices We Made For Each Other Were Numerous We Both Kept Happy Being Simultaneously Humourous Our Bond Seemed Full And Unbreakable Our Lifes Seemed Complete But Not Quite Full You Accepted Me On The Surface But Deep Inside You Missed True Purpose So Similar Yet We Lived Different Lives You Walked On A Feathered Path While I Touched Knives Not Creating Big Wounds Or Pain Just Enough To Show The Bloody Stain My Life Experience Put Me On a Different Level You Seemed To Want To Join Me On The Pedestal Approached For A Peak To See What I Was About You Realized Our Differences Causing Inevitable Doubt Your Top Blew Violently And Careless You Proved My Life Is A Complete Fucking Mess I Fell To The Ground Faster Than The World Trade It Affected The People Around Like a Frag Grenade I Wanted To Repair The Damage And Start Reconstruction You Seemed Happy With My Internal Combustion We Didn't Have To Let Things Get So Incredibly Vile We Coulda Put Forth The Effort And Went The Extra Mile *Drops the mic, and to his knees* *The curtains close* Dedication: To My Ex Girlfriend... What We Had Will Never Be Forgotten. Take Care Of Yourself. I Will Miss You Dearly.
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It's Gunna Be Some Stuff You Gon' See, That's Gunna Make It Hard To Smile In Da Future...
-Pac Shakur Acro Nim The Initial,Period I Speak Out Battles Pink Slips 007 Pt. 2 Fuck Bruklor aka Self.
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10-30-03, 04:15 PM | #6 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: C1DA C961
i felt inside myself, thus.. touched by a strangers hands
soul not troubled yet.. but really.. with danger planned a different person, never met myself...ready for dejavu ? not then, or now.. just prepared for those to hate on you the pressure inside - it erupts, to streams of tears - maybe when im in another place i'll dream of here for now, dwell, what has been, but what never was and for all the pain inside, wonder what it ever does prone to spill, shed tears, the drops the size of hail the truth - depression, cant match the lies i felt - captive of myself, no one knows - what its like to be and how hard it is - i'm the only one to fight for me you die alone, try alone, no one there, not unlikely hoping for the end -that it wont be what it might be the soul spills out - in SS verses, cant tell it all- self beat down by others - emotions turn hellish yall the negative criticism, turns savage, i cant take it i was buried inside myself, needed a shovel, to fake it - what i was in the beholders eyes, was no surprise - but it was buried deep beneath my own surmise my lonely prize, was to hide away, cast out - even that.. to be suffocated by my last doubts what i accomplished, what was to be, at bay to timid, a writer? insulted simply by "thats gay" i'll say, my friends what i did that night, i wrote - my last letter, at last.. - my suicide note |
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10-30-03, 05:28 PM | #7 | |||
Fuck You, I Rhyme Better
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IP: 0FEA F3EA
Lighting...
I like the flow of your piece it was a very easy read... The vocabulary was there... A few rhymes were forced but nothing outrageous... The topic was showed well, good emotion and imagery Feeble... From a technical aspect this was great... the flow and mulits were top notch.. The apporach on the topic was unique.. i dont quite catch how its the extra mile but its good... it felt that the begining didnt quite match the end.. wasnt two different topics just didnt match...but thats my opinion vote - White Lightining |
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10-31-03, 11:34 AM | #8 | |||||||
Veteran
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IP: FF89 3C60
I'm feeling the same thing, man...
Lightning tore this up with real emotion, great vocab, and a good, strong rhyme scheme... I really found no flaws other than the fact that he lost his chick in the verse. 8.75/10 Feeble, not sure what you were getting at with this. I loved the opening line, that was dope as all hell... But, just didn't see how ya related the rest of it to the topic. Ya vocab was a bit simple, aside from that, and kinda missing the topic... This was a very ill piece. 7.5/10 White Lightning
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Merkings will occur Monday thru Friday, 8 am thru 5 pm, C.S.T. For my convenience, not yours! |
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10-31-03, 01:59 PM | #9 | ||||
Straight Savage.
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IP: 8BEC CACE
Feeble..you seemed to Start Out Great, but then you just fell off when you were supposed to make your piece stronger, and that was towards the middle. This just took out what could've been a great verse. It was still good, but now what it could've been
Lightning.. You had a nice verse, and it was a pretty nice piece, Some lines were forced, but you stayed consistent throughout the piece, and you delivered some strong lines..Good Shit My Vote-Lightning good job fellas
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Only God can judge me, Who THE FUCK IS YOU?! |
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10-31-03, 02:08 PM | #10 | ||||
Banned: Permanent
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IP: 3A1D AC66
Lightning Is Stepping Up.. Thats For Sure
Easy Read, Good Flow And I Re-Read It Over And Found How It Should Be To Your Ex, And It Went Along Nicely.. Getting Better. Feeble.. Multis And Flow Overwhelmed This Piece, Yet The "On Topic" Aspect Is What I Questioned In Sum Spots. Not Bad Here Just Thought You Could Have Done Better With A Different Topic. Vote - Whitelightning |
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10-31-03, 04:44 PM | #11 | ||||||
wanna play doctor????????
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IP: 4577 F972
WL is gunna get a shot sometime...this peice was good...
strong story... hit the topic well... vocab...the way u put it was good...flow was tight... deff. 1 of your stronger points... good job feeble...i couldn't get into to it much...u've done better... it was decent but not enuff 2 win... some catchy shit...but most seemed to just fill ur story... u finished better than u started too... vote=WL |
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10-31-03, 08:23 PM | #12 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: EC18 012D
ok well since eveyone has summed it all up/..... i will do it again
WL i was really feelin your verse.. .it had good structure and rhyme scheme... the flow was there the whole time... and it was a GREAT story line I didnt like how you came on this one feeble... i dont like the multi topic topical even though it is original i guess... you just didnt reach the bar that WL set with his verse Vote - WhiteLightning |
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10-31-03, 10:29 PM | #13 | ||||
I Used To Pray
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IP: 372A 8D18
i like wl verse alot, very good vocab and story, good structure and good rhyme scheme
wasnt feeling feebles to much, dont know if were aloud to pick more then 1 topic but yeah wasnt feelin it vote white lightning
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Corrupted Visions |
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11-01-03, 05:31 AM | #14 | |||||||
Guest
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IP: 399E F0FD
Quote:
i thought we were playing limbo... |
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11-01-03, 09:00 AM | #15 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 072B 152E
to be honest i didnt like WL's verse
it seemed kind of hollow and the begining didnt rhyme at all (first verse) seemed like you were trying to hard to use good vocab...just didnt capture me on this one feeble i dont like you...at all but i think you won this not that it will count for anything cos WL has about 8 votes u seemed to put some heart into it and i liked your scheme alot better just a better verse from all aspects except vocab wise....and a good little twist at the end it wasnt a great battle both need a fair bit of work but i vote feeble |
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