just a quick lil song...edit: i just added a third verse to the song...intro and outro are from the movie young frankenstein...hope ya enjoy, please leave some feedback

intro:

Dr. Friedrich von Frankenstein: Igor, would you mind telling me whose brain I did put in?
Igor: And you won't be angry?
Dr.: I will NOT be angry.
Igor: Abby someone.
Dr.: Abby someone. Abby who?
Igor: Abby Normal.
Dr.: Abby Normal?
Igor: I'm almost sure that was the name.
Dr.: Do you mean to tell me that I put an abnormal brain into an, 8 foot tall, 300 pound, GORILLA?!!!

yea muthafuckas, i'm not right in the head, theres something wrong with me, yo

verse 1:
i'm shooting at your feet, got ya ass doing the lambo leap
i'm deadly, shit i wear a necklace made of rambo's teeth
crazy and strange, deranged and insane
somethings wrong with my brain, but it helps me create so i cant complain
disturbed and formidable, the one, heard it from the oracle
psychotic with no morals, i spit sick, and i aint talking bout after orals
not right in the head, complex, the human spider web
sick with the lead, causing a plague like night of the living dead
i'm not human, i'm an alien from another dimensions
spitting venom, here to anal prob all of earths bitches
i came out the womb wrapped in a straight jacket, rappers dont want static
if they ever seen a matic they'd prolly get as soft as fabric
i'm a demonic demon that always stays scheming
i aint leaving, i'm here to stick around just like semen
thoughts dark and morbid, brain being badly tortured
running the game, beating emcees easily for 4 quarters


hook:
th th this kid is abby-normal
some some somethings just not right (4x)

verse 2:
known for murdering nouns on wax, sit with the pen and murder words
hit adjectives with an axe, verbs heading south like a flock of birds
this is something different, spitting from the mind of one of the demented
verbally gifted, turning the world upside down, watch as gravity gets shifted
know for torture, agony, death and dismemberment
what ever your future holds, you can bet i'll put an end to it
deadly, doing all kinds of damage with samurai swords
the world is yours?, shit you bout to give it up like a local whore
death moving in your direction, leave your body up in sections
not right in the mind. brain beyond any type of correction
watch as your blood splatters, leave you laying flat like a ladder
madd hatter, fuck around and you'll end up a living cadaver
i'm like a mad scientist, doing experiments in my laboratory
insane?, crazy?, sick?, shit i dont even fit into a category
so how do you wanna die?, i'll let you make the choice kid
i'm crazy as shit, even my voices hear voices

hook:
th th this kid is abby-normal
some some somethings just not right (4x)

verse 3:
i perform enormous when brain storming, ill lyrical surgeon
futuristic like imperial forces, using the mic as a method of torture
ill mentally with verbal symmetry, simply compose symphonies
whack dudes is killing me, ghostly, shit call me the entity
partaking in devilish deeds, hot, boiling like my heads filled with steam
stay creating incredible things, energetic, like i suffer from red bull disease
i bomb colossal, the visuals i spit stomp the shit outta your opticals
reign unstoppable, shits hitting harder than colliding with obstacles
officially demented, visions of babysitting dead kids and cooking kittens
defeet you, then strangle you, cause i'm into murdering midgets
take you in the woods and disembowel you with a wooden cooking spoon
your corpse so badly tortured the coroners wouldnt even look at you
i'm a beast on the mic, evil creature that enters your dreams at night
got you sleep deprived, nightmare on elm street, deleting your life
i'm the one you dread, causing terror, tremors and trepidation
murder you with my said amazement, i'm just too clever face it

hook:
th th this kid is abby-normal
some some somethings just not right (4x)

*music fades into outro*

outro:

If you're blue and you don't know
where to go to why don't you go
where fashion sits, PUTTIN ON THE RITZ
Different types who wear a day
coat pants with stripes and cutaway
coat perfect fits, PUTTIN ON THE RITZ
Dressed up like a million-dollar trooper
Tryin' hard to look like Gary Cooper (SUPER DUPER)
Come let's mix where Rockefellers
walk with sticks or um-ber-ellas
in their mitts, PUTTIN ON THE RITZ


hit me up with some feedback...

uppin for some feedback...

yo i thought the flow of this piece was alrite....
props to ya.....
could have improved ya wordplay an multies etc... but still its a ill piece...
keep droppin...
...peace....

This was an aight piece could of used some more multi's and upped the vocab a bit. The first verse was great but it dwindles after that. Keep ryming and elevating.

PEEP MY SHIT -

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=84039

~1~

thanks for the feedback, uppin for some more...

i gotta disagree with dude up here.....i thought it was rather consistent...came with some ill lines when they were need...liked the category line....and the midget line....good flow...vocab...and content...the only thing i didnt like were those lines about dicks and bitches and semen and waht not...cuz i see those too often....but that fuckin rambo line was great....insane shit...

keep droppin

GameTime...

stay up pop i liked it its old and new in style

i liked this good flow my nigga. i was feelin everything you just got to work on yo multis. but other than that this was a very nice piece.

my favorite line
deadly, doing all kinds of damage with samurai swords
the world is yours?, shit you bout to give it up like a local whore


big ups my nigga
holla at yo boi
~1~

Great flo and you had a lot of multi's the only you can improve is the timeline... Try to make the multi's introduce the next line

I liked this piece...I could just picture it on some hype...party type shit...you had some multie'z in the 1st verse...but it was kinda an on and off thing...that's basically the only thing you need to work on I'd say...otherwise you were pretty consistant...keep doin' ya thing son...holla

it was good, i liked it...use more lines to a verse though, short verses don't really work for a song unless tha song is extremely slow and slow songs r left to singin not rappin, keep droppin...

__________________
<marquee>?</marquee>

thanks for the feedback everybody, been trying to work on my multies, cause i know thats prolly what i need to work on the most...

anyways upping for some more feedback...

^^^^LOL.......DAMN SON!!! You done and copy and pasted his whole ish son, I aiighnt never seen that shit be4 in an open mic, you funny!!!


But yea this shit was hot, your flow was mad good, had alot of good multis, was a well worth peep. Keep elivate'n and doin yo thang, 1

__________________
*R.I.P*
Jimmy L. , Louis L. , Aj R. , Tyler R. , Chris R., Dan W. , Matt F.......
" You all will never be forgotten and your spirits live within us all!!! R.I.P*"


" So for the 2nd time [The Pharisses] summoned the man who had been blind and said
"Speak the truth before God. We know this man is a sinner."
"Wether he is a sinner I do not know."
:The man replied:
"All I know is this...Once I was blind and now I can see"
John 1x 24-26