This is the 1st dis ive ever done..tell me what i need to work on

http://www.soundclick.com/bfire

__________________
<center><img src="http://www.angelfire.com/ill/raekwn76/images/bfiresig.jpg"

A legend, hah, i spit venom, blow holes in your sean jean phat farm denim - Tragedy Khadafi

<center><a href="http://www.soundclick.com/bands/dachemists.htm">
<img src="http://www.soundclick.com/images/bandlogos/SoundClick_my_page.jpg" border=0 alt="SoundClick Now!"></a>

dont sleep

__________________
<center><img src="http://www.angelfire.com/ill/raekwn76/images/bfiresig.jpg"

A legend, hah, i spit venom, blow holes in your sean jean phat farm denim - Tragedy Khadafi

<center><a href="http://www.soundclick.com/bands/dachemists.htm">
<img src="http://www.soundclick.com/images/bandlogos/SoundClick_my_page.jpg" border=0 alt="SoundClick Now!"></a>

jus wonderin

__________________
<center><img src="http://www.angelfire.com/ill/raekwn76/images/bfiresig.jpg"

A legend, hah, i spit venom, blow holes in your sean jean phat farm denim - Tragedy Khadafi

<center><a href="http://www.soundclick.com/bands/dachemists.htm">
<img src="http://www.soundclick.com/images/bandlogos/SoundClick_my_page.jpg" border=0 alt="SoundClick Now!"></a>

ok..this aint fair, i've always peeped other ppls music wtf is up wit dat?

__________________
<center><img src="http://www.angelfire.com/ill/raekwn76/images/bfiresig.jpg"

A legend, hah, i spit venom, blow holes in your sean jean phat farm denim - Tragedy Khadafi

<center><a href="http://www.soundclick.com/bands/dachemists.htm">
<img src="http://www.soundclick.com/images/bandlogos/SoundClick_my_page.jpg" border=0 alt="SoundClick Now!"></a>

Yo this just isn't that tight to me. Sounds like some old school Vanilla Ice. Delivery is just bad, lyrics need a lotta work. Just feedin back. Positive: You were on beat for the whole cut. Seems like you tryin ta sound hard and aren't pullin it off. My suggestion, slow down yer delivery a lil' bit, work on some harder lyrics and work on your mic presence...don't think i'm talkin shit, i wouldn't have gave any feedback but no one else was, so hopefully you can take this the right way and work on gettin tighter...1