my name is rapture / there will be none after/ im the pastor of these satirical lyrics you try to master / at first youd think i have no talent / theres laughter/ then i murder the mic with malice / its not even a challenge to embarass bastards with valliance / im a rapscallion / so hide your sons and wives / pull out your guns and knives / bite your tongue and shut your eyes / im gonna rhyme until i die / get this shit right / my flow can hypnotize / make you brainwashed like a pigeon flyin at night / fiending for every rhyme i write / and tonights the night / when we drink the bottles hollow / spendin like we won the lotto / chicks you're allowed to fondle / roads with lots of potholes / the great state of colorado

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get closed/deleted..

But this was ok....your structure needs work though...dont put it in paragraph form, put the lines on top of each other so its structured good and try to make them the same length as well....flow was ok, add multies and internals to help that out though...but this was ok..just keep at it.

thanks man, i aint been writin too long.

Follow the rules, ..3 names/links to open mics u replyed to else this will be deleted..

This was kinda nice tho..some nice vocab and an ok flow, ..concept was well worked out, ..keep droppin and elevatin ..= )

__________________
Fuck you