new song i came up with..
hit me up with some feedback, and leave a link if you got something you want me to peep and hit you with some feedback..


verse 1:

clouded in darkness, shrouded by a devoured caucus, surrounded by the heartless
the cowards my target, get bombarded by this unsigned artist, end up dearly departed
spitting demonic images, so close the eyes of the innocent, Star brings vividness
fuck around and have your parents being consoled and giving sentiments, i put an end to it
murder and mayhem, Star dont play man, put a gap in your teeth like michael strahan
i'm more hazardous that a baron wasteland, erase your face cause death is my gameplan
i'll murder a mindstate, cant be seen like a blinddate, i'm fucking mad and my words are irate
words are extraordinary they travel through time/space, i'm not human, shit i'm verily a primate
theres no method to my madness, i'm a magician pulling my hats from the intestines of a rabbit
addicting, got you hooked while you still think your only testing a habit, fear your chest to matic
Star bringing nothing but death and destruction, fuck with me and violence is the only repercussion
emcees is soft get broke up like a muffin, if you cherish your life then you best not say nothing (not a damn thing)
i'm psycho and crazy, the rifle is shady, MonStar stay dropping bombs the size of full grown babys
throw punches so hard that when they hit you they daze me, bout to blow up like coke in the 80's
told you i was mental individual, in death my sprits records will still be out spinning you
grim reaper in a pair in tennis shoes, i'm a criminal that'll put pen to paper and put an end to you

hook:
i'm off to hell, theres no turning back
i'm off to hell, metally disturbing rap
i'm off to hell, i'm considered a psycho
i'm off to hell, so say your prayers and grab ya bibles
off to hell, i'm what?, i'm off to helllllllllll........

verse 2:

fuck knowledge and livin happily, i wanna see some violence and agony
some death and tragedy, i got a heart, i weld the pistol compassionately (haha)
crazy and psycho, MonStar merk you from miles away with a sniper rifle
satans deceitful, i'll surprise you, like a moron saying something insightful
spittin insanity, causing calamities, bringing horror like the house from amity
ville, wit sharper than steel, livin in hell, cause this is where i was dammed to be
deeply disturbed, displaying sickness in words, Star be shittin on birds
dismantle herbs in the sickest of terms, is you seeing me or is your vision blurred
death in the flesh, Stars the best of the best, always ill, expect nothing less
blessed or possessed?, i'll hammer my point across like my words where a tool chest
displaying heat, soldiers conveying retreat, slaying giants, live by the way of the street
its painful how i murder a beat, etched in stone like concrete, star remain one of the elite
my words are like assault and battery, fuck ya gun talk, the shit dont rattle me
i disperse death rapidly, Star u'll take on anyone, dont care who the combatant be
i'm cancer in the human form, i'm the answer in the form of a future storm
swarm the globe with ruthless scorn, sit back and watch as my futures born

hook:
i'm off to hell, theres no turning back
i'm off to hell, metally disturbing rap
i'm off to hell, i'm considered a psycho
i'm off to hell, so say your prayers and grab ya bibles
off to hell, i'm what?, i'm off to helllllllllll........

verse 3:

i'm fucking mental, shit i stalk my own shadow, fuck you, i got multiple personalities to battle
dismantle your leg with my hannibal ways, i love beef, so thats why i stay serving up cattle
trust me you dont wanna explore the dark side of my mind, my visions hurt the eyes of the blind
rhymes so far ahead of my time, that my work wont be truly appreciated until the fall of mankind
tell me i aint ill watch me crack ya skull, punch through ya chest and rip out ya liver ribs back and all
MonStar sick, shit i contracted raw, i spit venom at such a fantastic furry that it'll detach your jaw
you couldnt rock star if you threw monoliths, annihilate any emcee and steal there common sense
fuck Star i'm a comet bombing shit, shit on anyone and there brother to prove my dominance
mentally impaired, damn right you should be scarred, i'm off my rocker and rolling down the stairs
heart as cold as ice and a mouth that spits flairs, eyes the color of inferno, they emit glairs
the valley of death i call my home, heart as cold as chrome, got you froze as i shatter your bones
scatter your dome, leave you laying tattered and alone, i'm madder than a dog splattering foam
i'm a psycho unleashed, a psycho on beats, murdering madmen, you ever seen a psycho show grief
"hes a psycho, retreat", a psycho that spits heat with enough force to shatter the streets

hook:
i'm off to hell, theres no turning back
i'm off to hell, metally disturbing rap
i'm off to hell, i'm considered a psycho
i'm off to hell, so say your prayers and grab ya bibles
off to hell, i'm what?, i'm off to helllllllllll........


hit me up with some feedback....dont sleep...this aint a fucking pillow...

edit, i switched up the hook cause it seemed nobody liked the old one...

old one:
psy-cho, psy-cho
its off to hell we go
psy-cho, psy-cho, psy-cho
psy-choooooooooooooooo (2x)

new one:
i'm off to hell, theres no turning back
i'm off to hell, metally disturbing rap
i'm off to hell, i'm considered a psycho
i'm off to hell, so say your prayers and grab ya bibles
off to hell, i'm what?, i'm off to helllllllllll........

-1-

uppin for some feedback...

uppin again...

Ok this was a pretty dark peice. I can imagin it soundin like one mic by Nas. The way it starts off slow and quiet but picks up to a faster pace. The vocab was good and it flowed well. The rhymescheme was good aswell. The only thing which was disapointing in this was the hook. The tune to snow white and the seven dwarfs didnt fit in. For that I had to use my imagination a bit and take away the thought of snow white and think of how I would of wanted it to sound if this was my peice. Overall a good peice....keep writin. 8/10

Yo I got some open mics.....check any of them out:
1) Mom I'm sorry (my first ever open mic-everybody lovin it)
2) This is my life (nominated for top 10 for October)
3) Just me and a mic (puts images into your head)

Peace!!!

__________________

HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

I liked it Matter of fact the only thing i didn't like was the hook. If you couldn't think of any hook you shouldn't have put one. Could have just had some talkin like in Thug Love wit 2pac and Bone Thugs. But it was still a great drop keep good shit like this coming.......Except the hook

This was a hot piece - sounded like some DMX style rapping. What was cool was the way you built up the flow of the song, to fit in with the content. The rhyme scheme worked quite well, and you had some nice vocab in there which actually FIT IN with the flow of the song - havent seen that from a 1-0 person before. The only thing I didn't like here was the chorus - arrrgghhh - i agree with LM, it was hard to keep my mind on darkness when i keep remember snow white with 7 ugly midgets walking around. Otherwise this was a dope song - 8.5/10

keep writing, im gonna be lookin for more stuff by you - youve got potential

thanks for the feedback everybody...i had that damn snow white shit stuck in my head when i was writing this so thats why its the hook ...i was sorta trying to throw it in there to see if it would work and sorta add a comedy element to the whole thing...guess it didnt really work...lol...o well....

heres something i came up with real quick that i might use as the hook instead (i could prolly come up with something better if i wasnt so damn tired right now)

hook:
i'm off to hell, theres no turning back
i'm off to hell, metally disturbing rap
i'm off to hell, i'm considered a psycho
i'm off to hell, so say your prayers and grab ya bibles
off to hell, i'm what?, i'm off to helllllllllll........

anybody like this hook better?

keep the feedback coming...

-1-

blazen joint pop put this on radio and get the world blazed no doubt

All I have to say is: Dark

This was a very very dark peice, I mean it was. It had a slow tempo at first then it picked up, the flow was really good and it was deep, deep but dark, very very nice verse. Try to make very line even next time though, but still very very good, props.

__________________
<center>Soloist
Artist's Artifact
Look Into My Eye's<center>

thanks for the feedback...upping for some more...

uppin yet again...

really dope drop
liked the whole thing except the chorus...
rhyme scheme..dope
wordplay was dope had plenty of quotable lines in there
its not often u reaad a piece that some talks about themselves but u enjoy reading
really good shitkeep dropping that illness
wuda quoted but there was too much and im a lazy cunt

thanks for the feedback ^

upping yet again...

Um, I thought it was pretty good