SOMETHING I WROTE...TOOK ME A LIL LONGER..PUT A LIL MORE THOUGHT IN 2 THIS ONE...EXPIR'D BY...WELL U'LL GET IT...

ALSO LOOKIN 4 A CREW***HINT HINT

HOPE YA ENJOY..PEACE



don't ever need 2 question my care/
if ur done w/o say of hurt u kno ill alwayz be there/
ur the girl that i need durin all of my day/
maze 2 ur heart wit guyz 2 block me..all i ask is 2 listen 2 wat i say/


what must i ask, 4 answers 2 problems i cant un-mask/
un-fair, the way i get punishe'd 4 wat u done-there/
like makin me feel that wantin u is crime 2 jail-me/
its not like im on u 24/7 and daily/
how it hurts 2 keep shit secret and hush'd up/
like wen we talk and here he walkz gotta get it rush'd-up/
do i dare 2 stare at u, and charish and care 4 u/
i ask myself 2 answer 2 my own mind/
cuz its my own problem i need 2 find/
how can it be that im out wen its me thats alwayz present/
tru its hard, but all that matters is im there 2 see ur presence/
a mix of thoughts hit me hard like pussies from dixs/
i sit back silent,cuz prix wanna fight me cuz of there chix/
according 2 my thoughts i 4get wat happen'd cuz my mind stop'd recording/
interests of u, i like u but u likin me a near coincidence/
we together all the time me and u,its like doin somethin wrong and callin in the crime/
chances r good of troubl'n my harm,its not the player with IN gettin me in trouble its my charm/
like how can u decide 2 make up ur mind,but still tru feelings kept and confinde/
still my heart tries 2 despise da wrong decision aint wise 2 over look my cries/
Y must i create situations that tempt my patience,2 put me on the table as a doctors patient/
over and over again this shit hits me wit more pain/
ur insane not 2 think of wat u've gave me 2 gain/
ill tell ya straight out everything i say is honest 2 trust/
lifes outer crust a thin line of luv, but love like glass 2 ez 2 bust/
hardly over the melody of ya voice,still wat boy is da right choice/
would never break somethin,that has made 2 make but i hate not 2 chance it and take/
how can i control, feelings of hurt, like how could i live wit ur heart i stole/
in certain cases, tell me is it a disgrace 2 wit someone takin come face 2 face/
and still here i sit wit questions awaiting a thurough explanation-2-create/
i can wait, and no matter how it i hate, things can come wit an expiration-date/


CHORUS*
questions can hurt wen answers shock-u/
hard 2 get feelings across wen other guyz block-u/
but baby nothin wit stop me from charishing your beauty/
the way we click'd its like we had sometin b4 u even KNEW-ME/

VERSE2*

here i come here i go,may sound dumb but gurl over u i jus dont know/
like pull me close but otherz close that door between da 2 of us/
trust me things can be simple,ill make sure u happy, its a must/
shadows shade my place,like wat happenz wen u leave and 2 ya u fade-my-face/
how do i kno that wen u go ur gonna remember me/
between the 2 of us, theres somethin but how do i kno..there might never be/
my smile stays a smile, but hurt hits my body, tru could be a freshman in denile/
bombz of tearz hit the pad/as i write wit sad, i wash away the hurt till im done and glad/
miles of writin couldnt explain my feelings that have overwhelm'd me this year/
left with fear of losin another,y steer away wen i hear ur voice, away from another/
like how can ass get your beauty and dat ass wen im evicted and hit wit no trespassing/
i fight my own conciounce 2 try and win a battle of my own sic mind temptation of harrasing/
just 2 see u gets me thinking just 2 stare at u gets me 2 4get blinking/
how is it wen shit happenz and sure i luv it, but not bein able 2 cuddle/
like 2 fall asleep wit you, and hold u in my arms but jus a dream well i cryin me a puddle/
i laugh at bf's wit hatred in there eyes, still 2 blind wen high wat ur doin wit other guyz/
they can think there believes,but think wat they mus believe'n wen from u im the one recieven/
people can tell me 2 stop,but i drop care 2 you, still they care 4 u as tho ur heart a prop/
how can i fake-this, seeing ppl mistreat you u juss cant take this/
heavenly luv drop'd u safely into my arms 4 guidance/
i kno all i have is watchin in da corner wit nothin but silence/
i look but hate 2 see,like how can he be there wen it should be u and me/
im curious 2 see where this will land,but havin u is more then a game its serious/
u kno me im a guy that wats it all,but my heart dropz a lil by day still await'n its fall/
there aint more i can say or do, care 4 u tommorow or 2day im always there 4 u/
remember this if u have questions im always here 2 answer the best i can/
if problemz occur ill fix them cuz this mess is wat i began/
juss need u 2 kno if u ever need 2 cry ill comfort you till time is right/
no time can go 2 fast, my feelings r 4 u even in my dreamz tonight/
never over and never done, if u feel as no one is there remember there is never none/
always available 4 ur most wanted needs,cuz he's crazy 2 pass up wat i see/

chorus*

beautiful question every move u depend-on/
im here if u ever need a heart 2 mend-on/
my answers 2 ur questions will come through/
all u need 2 kno is im here and care 4 u/

__________________
THE RESTRICTED WUN HAS ROZE 2 CONQUER.....AGAIN!


I'M BACK!!!

The message in this piece was nice, but you definately need to work on flow. It fell of in alotta places, that's probly due to you bein rusty ? I dunno, but the sketchy flow made it hard to read. I found my self stopping and re-reading lines to make sure I read um write, and that's just signs of choppy flow. The Vocab in it was ok, could be upped, but hey, it's a love piece, Didn't expect much. The different chorus' was a good touch, liked all three of um. When Multi's were present in the piece, ya flow shined. Maybe stick to a multi rhyme-scheme till you get things back to your level ? I've seen ya other shit man, it was ill, had much better flow then this. Keep Droppin tho, as overall, this was sub-par compared to others.

-Formula.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=91167
^^ Hit that up with some feedback and also head to Corrupted Visions under H.I.V. We're lookin for some talent.