Pale faces
cast in blankets of white, unfolding
and their souls circled in dark
Black.. looks like licorice
Bloodshot eyes look to the floor
Ashamed minds
Drunk on depression
So paranoid
Scared of opinions
Drink until you leave
Drink until your sorrow's gone
Collect the cocaine
let it rule the brain
of several minor attraction
Decisions...
then it Bulids
Ravenous hunger
Your gut is herion
Morphine
Drinkit up, swallow it down
Soul how you hurt
poor soul how you hurt
Collection of pain
Drugs to the addict
Bitter addiction
You sour the life
with narcotics brand on you
Ruin existence...
So you may breathe
in false serenity
Laugh....
as it over comes you..
Into sleep

~ Im looking for some feedback please~

Respond to others please...

no problem

i kind of enjoyed this

i didn't like the licorice line. it would have been nicer if u made the smilie a little more discreet and original. ANYONE can say "somethin" looks like "something" the key is to do it in an orginal form, and maybe go into more detail with it.

nicely done tho. i enjoyed the short lines. it quickened the pace, for me at least.

cheers

well written.
had power.
that's good.
images were very good.
the progression from less harmful to more harmful drugs was magnificant, it was a well thought out pice and a fast one...much like the regression into the ill circumstances described in the poem.
nice.peace.

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I'm a goblin hooked on rails, stuck drinking ale/ I'll rip the horn out a unicorn and shove it up your fairy tale.

thank guys this was my first poem i posted and i dint knwo how u guys would react what u said helped alot thanks

I liked this.. I will be honest and tell you there were one or two lines out of the whole piece that I didn't think were as descriptive, emotional, or as well written as other lines... but overall it was pretty good. I think the structure was good, the flow, in some places, could've flown better... but overall it really was good, as I said before. The topic was nice, and after you put everything together the piece was ill. Nice job, keep droppin.

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<center>Fuck it...</center>

Okay, i got to make this quick. As some hoor is coming around for tea (er, late tea). (dont take hoor the wrong way...it could mean male or female..(!?)...maybe i should stop using hoor, eh?..er..)..

You kind of depicted addiction in a shaky addicted like way. In other words the style in which you wrote pointed was raw. And along with the subject matter, really helped 'smoke up' the atmosphere of the piece.

The ending was resounding. Cleverly done.

A quite real piece. Gritty in a way. Yet the way it flowed made it unusually gritty.

..resp..