Alright... this is my first drop in a looooonnggg while so just tell me what you like and tell me what you hate

this one was hard to structure for the site but it should read pretty easy::


See it simply is I said something sort-of lik –errr
I’m a lover…… not a fighter
But toss me an awkward eye when I’m walking by
I’ll put passion in my love to watching u die
I aint an angry man but I run on a short fuse,
confuse my compassion with poor action I’ll leave you with two fractures
-only a fraction of the damage done when I run without a gun
which is lucky for u…..considering I don’t own one
see…flow is flawless when it rides my tongue
and it never seems to end because I never began…or is it begun?
Ah damn man I swear I’m a quit smoking
cuz I’m constantly choking on contemptible criticisms that come with occasional toking.
Anyways…returning to focus…focus? What focus? Fuck it I’ll start plottin
to actually take action against asses when I’m jottin
See it’s hardly hard to hit a pad with a pen
especially when compared to being in prison with your penis in men
Lucky for me I’m not black, so Byron will never experience that
In fact I’ll smack a fat fuck out of his all-star fitted
And find my way on television just to say that I did it
Get it? Acting ignorant all day even though I know I’m ignored……(oh…shit)
Physically challenged? Or simply a skeleton
on a slim fast diet swallowing fat free gelatin
a menace to those tiny inadequate Africans
absolutely starving while I’m only eating half of my venison
Now who’s questioning whether I’m truly deranged or insane
But all knowing I’m only a dick
When: I watch you in the mall and laugh when your fat kids clothes don’t fit
:Or sit and scribble seamless songs serenading sisters sporting size sixty thongs
or especially entertaining myself mimicking Eminem until I reach the end
and decide to paint my ass black
then call it a joke when I happen to get laughed at,
how ‘bout we both agree to agree and call me a jackass…..and that’s that

i thought this was a decent drop 7-9 out'a ten, you had a good flow scheme some good vocab and nice hard lines, your wordplay was awesome, you really showed potential there an that had everything goin smooth, i found this was a great read...keep it up man

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

it was nice, 8/10 good one,long u know,nice flow,nice shit

this was ok....

rhyme scheme = very good
vocab = very good
wordplay = excellent
flow = excellent
concept = excellent
multis = poor

for me, multi's arent essential, but they give the rhyme a more professional and better sounding feeling... so i'll give u 9/10, u lost half a point cos of the multis... but keep it up, this was a very nice piece

pretty good drop
flow was fine with me...flowed pretty smoothly all the way thru
the content was quite funny at times...and the style u wrote it in kept me interested alone
however the ideas and shit...all seemed in one big jumble my only real complaint about this
but it was a good read..so props

and u must have the only remaining unbeaten rec..

Hey, can you post up who you replied to?
Rules Thread Link - More Information On It Can Be Found Here
Thanks Man.

Dog I ain't gone lie to you that was a little soft but If you try you can come harder than that

the flow wasn't there, except maybe at the end, but it was alright.

6.8/10

Fgee.. Jae Cyph n' I Believe Opey Have Undefeated Recs
As Well... But Ya This Was Okay For A Return.. Just Gotta
Get The Rust Out And Get Back Into The Swing Of Things
6/10

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=94150 : Rule
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=94075 : WORD~PERFECT
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...=&postid=938838 : Camarac

forgot to read the rules but here^^^^^^^