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12-01-03, 02:10 AM | #1 | ||||||
jjkoert
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Interpritation Of Imprisonment
IP: 5BBB 8BA9
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=95372 Verse112
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=95847 Infinite Skillz http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=95155 LM collabo My interpritation of imprisonment Every thing switched from slangin bars of good dope to workin to get good bars of soap walking to the hope the bars done broke so dark I feel Im developing a better sence-of-smell but so far the only thing Ive devoloped is a sence-of-hell Im tired of sleeping on my back for lack of trust shivering under a sheet hopin this da last month wish I had one last blunt just one last puff to put me into a place where I can deny reality then clinching my jaw relizing my lifes a falicy and in all actuality this the best system on earth I been to different countries and ive seen worse but nothing can prepare the mind for closet clostraphobia every ones the enemy pushing me to constant paranoya gettin swung on cause of the seeds I come from and where I grew forced to become a long arm and bleed the dumb and destroy a few tied and beat down cause fake niggas bumb they gums they type of nigga to get scared and bust a gun bring they whole click where theres supposed to be four fists I cant afford this I have a life beyond this strengling fortress was never my intention to snap or break those bones but my opinion never matterd so my intentions wernt know not to mention these gaurds trying to get me hurt so hard had to carry steal on the yard then get 6 months for having it at all was like fuck the system but wasnt able to fight it well got fucked by the system with a first class ticket to hell held my own did a few like like Tanya Harding missing life waiting and wanting and longing to party but I met some friends and started to do well when they pushed me got out a year early cause I was in the pursuit of pussy Id never wish that on any but those I hate the most but the 1st thing I did when I left is made this toast "To Life as a free man nothing can compare to free-life" all I wanted was the American dream laced with free-enterprize and all America wanted was for me to face three-to-nine Last edited by Explict : 12-02-03 at 10:26 PM. |
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12-01-03, 12:22 PM | #2 | ||||||
jjkoert
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IP: F325 E5EE
common people i need some feedback on this peice..yea i know i messed up the structure...
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12-01-03, 01:37 PM | #3 | ||||||
jjkoert
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IP: F325 E5EE
common now... i really need some feedback on this peice.... i wrote this 2 days ago...
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12-01-03, 05:21 PM | #4 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: A824 67D0
holy fuck, now that shit painted a fucken picture, god damn
8.3/10 |
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12-01-03, 05:32 PM | #5 | |||||||
Flyweight
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IP: D85C 59A5
This was an excellent pz of art, good short story, you had good word play last couple lines were a little off but it did well. nvr got caught nvr did time but in this pz I did. Good lookin pz and luv.
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Let God speak for the underground Psalm 49 16-17 16 Do not be overawed when a man grows rich when the splendor of his house increases 17 For he will take no thing with him when he dies, his splendor will not descend with him 18Though while he lived he counted himself blessed - and men praise you when you prosper- 19 He will join the generation of his fathers, who will never see the light of life 20 A man who has riches without understanding is like the beasts that perish |
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12-01-03, 06:21 PM | #6 | |||
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IP: A9A7 727D
reply to three other open mics, and post links to your replies in this thread or it gets deleted.
thanks.
__________________
Life isn't a bitch... she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis |
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12-01-03, 09:06 PM | #7 | ||||||
jjkoert
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IP: C40D E7CB
aiigh thanks for the feedback yall....i still need more though
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12-02-03, 01:50 AM | #8 | |||||||
De M-O-D Bruk
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IP: FDD6 AE15
ummm reply to three open mics and post your links in here dude...
that was a dope piece..structure and flow were very well done...8/10... this makes me happy to see your a member of DOI
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It's Gunna Be Some Stuff You Gon' See, That's Gunna Make It Hard To Smile In Da Future...
-Pac Shakur Acro Nim The Initial,Period I Speak Out Battles Pink Slips 007 Pt. 2 Fuck Bruklor aka Self.
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12-02-03, 01:52 AM | #9 | |||||||
BANNED
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IP: A1CA 8125
on point till the end the end just wasn't climatic enough for the body of the shit.. also the structure is mad fucked and you some lines unrhymed try to rhyme your transitions to ... it take practice but you got skill overall......7/10 that a C bra
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12-02-03, 01:53 AM | #10 | ||||||
jjkoert
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IP: FEA9 F64B
i don get it.. post the links of the three open mics that i have read..in here.. or post this link in each of the 3 open mics that i have read...
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12-02-03, 08:40 AM | #11 | |||||||
Drop Of Genius
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IP: 17AC 3451
This was really good, paintin pictures with words. Flow and vocab were great and you told a story well.
Overall 8/10 |
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12-02-03, 10:45 AM | #12 | ||||||
Guest
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80
IP: CB99 8D63
80, that was good, u got some killer lines, hope to collaberate wich u, in the future dogg,
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12-02-03, 12:03 PM | #13 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 176D 0C2B
This wuz a good piece. It painted a vivid picture. Nice wordplay thru out the verse. The last couple of lines were but it wuz still good.
7.5/10 |
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12-02-03, 04:18 PM | #14 | |||
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IP: 6816 6794
you have to post links to your three replies.
fuck it, read the rules
__________________
Life isn't a bitch... she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis |
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12-02-03, 10:26 PM | #15 | ||||||
jjkoert
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IP: 6A70 349B
common yall give me some feedback on this peice of mine
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