I tried to kill time I did
I was heart brokin almost dead
this life is nuthin take me in
the love i carry is of a sin

Your eyes I picture in my dreams
your love i miss within it seems
I tried to express this in words
its hard enough in us it hurts


this line i wrote a meanin is hindin
only the person i miss knows the words its missin
Feelin the pain the hour pass
the days of light within a room of dark i pass

I stand alone with you in mind
I wish this will die with us together in time

RHYMES-In Time

this was a nice piece
the last lines wrapped it up well
simple but affectionate
keep writin
keep elevatin

__________________
~.:Soft Focus:.~
{--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --}
{-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-}
{--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--}
{-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-}
{ --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--}
Poetry
Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten
Understanding Once Again
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom:
the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."

very good
could work on the rhyming scheemes a little
but u got your point across
keep writing

thanx to all for the feed back
can't take a look at your peices right now but will soon

uuupppiiinnn for more feedback




peace

nice work i expecally like this line

I stand alone with you in mind
I wish this will die with us together in time

it brought the whole poem together. rhyme scheme was a little off it was like u rhymed and then u didnt. overall i really like this poem good job