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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
12-01-03, 04:31 PM
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#1
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Banned: Compromised Account
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Ghosts in My Mirror
IP: 6236 079F
replied to Auspicious, Kemyst, and Bash
I look in the mirror at a reflection of a slutty slave... who calls out to me in the night while she holds a bloody blade... she lifts up from the grave with a bullet stuck in her brain... she stares at me with disdain while I stand here and clutch her remains... she begins to suck me off until my fuckin' head'z hurtin'... I'm thinkin' about how good this bitch can fuck for a dead person... she said she wants me for eternity, but I said "ya life is over...ya dead"... and then told her to shut the fuck up and put the paper bag back over her head... her future looked grim with a dim appearence of light... I looked over my shoulder as she dissappeared in the night... I then saw a second apparition who looked as if he wanted me dead... dressed as a Vietnam vet as he was holding a sawed off shotgun to my head... I'm like "what the fuck did I do...was it something I said??????" he was slowly chasing after me as I got my gun from under my bed... I grabbed the Glock 21 in chrome and busted a round... and sent him to his home back under the ground... the 3rd and final ghost has now made his escape here from hell... but as soon as he stepped out of the mirror he turned to vapors and fell... I hold the rosery close and hold the toast by my knee... a voice has spoken to me so I broke the mirror to hell and no more ghosts do I see... |
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12-01-03, 04:42 PM
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#2
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Guest
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IP: E38C 4580
Flow Fell Off In Some Places, So I Was Kinda Turned Off From This Piece Cause Of That. This Was Different. Imagery Was Solid Throughout. Kinda Gross With The First Ghost Givin You Brains N Fuckin N All That Shit. Not A Mental Picture I Wanted. Overall Tho, 'Twas A Good Piece Man, Keep Droppin.
I hold the rosery close and hold the toast by my knee... a voice has spoken to me so I broke the mirror to hell and no more ghosts do I see... ^ ^ ^ Dopest Lines. -Formula. http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=95344 ^ ^ Feedback appreciated. |
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12-01-03, 04:50 PM
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#3
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Flyweight
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IP: D85C 59A5
This pz was tight it was like an ICP or early EMINEM pz. I think if you would have re arranged the verses put the last in the place of the second. I think that it is very good but be careful your flow and your rythym is consistent.
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Let God speak for the underground Psalm 49 16-17 16 Do not be overawed when a man grows rich when the splendor of his house increases 17 For he will take no thing with him when he dies, his splendor will not descend with him 18Though while he lived he counted himself blessed - and men praise you when you prosper- 19 He will join the generation of his fathers, who will never see the light of life 20 A man who has riches without understanding is like the beasts that perish |
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12-01-03, 04:58 PM
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#4
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Banned: Compromised Account
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IP: 399E F0FD
^^^this was a keystyle...I was just writing the ideas as they came to me...
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12-01-03, 05:00 PM
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#5
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Guest
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IP: 19AF 50C1
TWISTED PSYCHO FUCKED UP AND OFF BEAT.....I LOVE IT MAN LOL THIS SHIT IS MAD LIVE AND SOME STRAIGHT DISCUSTING NASTY DEVIL SHIT....KEEP IT UP YOU MIGHT BE LIKE ME ONE DAY UNTIL THEN GO BACK TO THE MINOR LEAGUES.
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12-01-03, 05:02 PM
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#6
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Banned: Compromised Account
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IP: 399E F0FD
^^^LMAO!!!!!! I'm straight and you're not...
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12-01-03, 05:09 PM
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#7
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Guest
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IP: 19AF 50C1
CAVRON YOU FROM SYRACUSE NOT BROOKLYN GO BACK TO COUNTRY VERSION NEW YORK SLANG
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12-01-03, 05:11 PM
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#8
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Banned: Compromised Account
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IP: 399E F0FD
^^^lol...no...OOOOOHHHHH!!!!!! sonned you...
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12-02-03, 02:40 PM
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#9
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Banned: Compromised Account
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IP: C1DA C961
uppin' like WORD~P'z husband...lol
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12-02-03, 03:55 PM
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#10
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..Soft Focus..
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IP: 1B3B C284
this was a crazy piece ive never read anything like this before...that was a tight piece, the way you brought imergery to it and everything very well done
__________________
Open Mics The Weathers Art http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673 My Teenage Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850 Secluded http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851 Open Your Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461 |
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12-02-03, 04:01 PM
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#11
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BANNED - Voted For Himself
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IP: 4577 CD9A
I like it, nice work on imagery and bringin the piece alive, i havent read shit like it but its off the hook, keep writin playa............... holllaaaa
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12-02-03, 04:08 PM
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#12
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Guest
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IP: 0AC2 1A85
Yo, this shi' was pretty fucked up...in a good way. I agree wit tha otha katz tha' it sounded alo' like early Eminem shi'...If ya serious 'bout all this, ya should make chorus' and verses...overall, good shi', keep it up...
Fo Real --G1 |
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12-02-03, 04:49 PM
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#13
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Banned: Compromised Account
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IP: C1DA C961
thanks for da love y'all...still uppin'...
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12-02-03, 04:54 PM
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#14
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Anti Drug=Pre-marital Sex
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IP: 2F46 BF0E
for the most part your verse was hella raw...it was lacking in a couple places, but nothin too big...like everyone else said the imagery was fuckin dope...good visual picture and nice wordplay...drop that on some audio...shit would be hot....
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<img src="http://www.rhymevantage.com/forum/attachment.php?s=&postid=7548"> |
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