Deacon ~Earth~

As the sky fills with silence,

The wind blows through my landscapes
As the dirt below carries my grain,
The water inserts it's fertile minerals
So my innerself remains the same......

So now see us in the ocean, where blue rays of beauty glow,
Feel it in a vessel, where these rapid rivers flow,
Hear me whisper in your ear, so stunning it fills the air...
See me in a tree top high, reach and feel me flying

Falling like stars from these blue skies,
Such beauty aquires my being..
I constitute a helping hand my body its mine for healing
As the widow women weep's a saddened story,
Amongst this lonely hour...
My body of soil conserves her,
Through the mercy of this flower..
Through life a common death to breathe,
Regonize my matter Dirt, wind and water.....



Calisto ~Water~

Expel me through your lips, upon my rollercoaster of air
Condensation hangs on hips, after washing away an affair
Daring to touch sacred droplets, as I gently show you I care
Vow to vaporize friendships, forever searching nowhere
Touches into tense fingertips, symbolical embracing wears
And the latter fails to drip, beyond the brutality when bare
As if hung on reality grips, no compassion can compare
To the moisture upon lips, when taking away all air

Numbness conquers into fears, handling hardly all of this
Massive flooding alias tears, I can’t control the pessimist
Invading consciousness peers, as if to come to my assist
But reclusively begins to adhere, just as I request aid to resist
Dwarfing doubts as they near, wondering lines across my wrists
Magnificents life merely mirrors, margins of error within our midst
Justifying judgments, disputing jeers, falls deaf when displaying fists
Ferociously fighting senseless fears, try as you might, you can’t defeat this

Filed ~Dirt~

My mind deeply narrows, my thoughts expand and soar
Over the blinding beautiful outlay of this land,

Its carpet becomes the main focus of my poundering tour
From mud and graval, to unprocessed glass called sand.

Each walking ordinary day I place without much thought
My own two feet upon this complex earth's surface,

And today i finally relize, this was no quick drawn plot
Instead a lot of love and deep thinking done with zero haste.

Mother nature reached a problem after the sky was
Painted blue
All of her newly made creations were falling away,
Pushing apart,

The she relized she need something more, she created
Worlds first glue

Her own soft gentle hands molded up the new ground,
Earth's Non-beating heart.

This provided solid platform that keeps the world securely one
Holds all nations strongly together through peace and war,

For if this given was to vanish we would crumble to the
Hot sun and im afraid to say but without this grumy dirt
All creations would be no more.

Content ~Wind~

Each and every leaf has fallen from a heavenly
Tree..maintaining as a passagger of this
Plane and we let it fly free....

Jesus rides shotty periodically I merely confirm his
Coordinates as if footprints and magnifying glasses
Weren't enough..there was a windy road at first
Then I proportioned it unpaved it saved it....

I exist as that everlasting puppet master with invisible
Strings..uplifting spirits as they spread out their wings
Throughout these phases saved them always...

Clouds are assembled for the misguided to realize better
Days..now everyones painting gorgeous pictures from
Their iris with amazement lively..every act is instrumental...

Instant message subliminals quarantine this mimic
Rooms perimeter in the most efficent ways possible
This eternal classrooms always crowded everyday
Represents another stage for the commencement

Some found the man upstairs some lost the truth and
Missed him..along the obstacles some leaves stick to the
Soggy mud surfaces and call it crew..transform to victims

Im the one that kept you walking all the way across the
Bridge..so you could recieve counscelling and also love
The wife and kids......

When friends and family disowned like exiled Jehovias
Witnesses..I blew everyone back into formation once
They payed off your emotional pension quick

As a silent worker of God im content with his honorable
Mentions..as for a final phrase well its love life live it
To the extremes since it can leave in an instant

Everythings not what it seems in the air tonight so let
Me guide you all with peace and safe travels

__________________
SOFT FOCUS crew record (3-0) Wits end ~ DOI ~ Central....now who's next?
sacred scriptures record (5-0)

This was a really nice read... I don't have time to critique it like I
want to so I will come back... I just wanted to drop a sentence
or two just to say it was a great. Keep writing.

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<BR><h3><color=black><center><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=left LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 width=300>*~*~*Lady Wun*~*~*</MARQUEE></color></center></h3>
<BR>
<BR><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=up LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 height=100> <center><font color=000000><I>*~*~*~*~*</p>I'm invisible to the unseen eye</p>I'm undeniable strength</p>*~*~*~*~*~*</p>Merk Squad</MARQUEE></center><I>

All of these lyrics are good, beyond what people would have thought. The Topics i enjoyed it was different and and the flow on each was great great peices...keep that up

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Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

this was a real good read, first and formost i give yall much repsect for this

i like how deacon started it off and really portrayed and played the element

i liked that right there, you set it up to make the rest of the piece easy to comprehend...nice nice


Calisto, this is a real strong opening, it drew me in completely, i'm feeling the connections and you drew some pictures in my head, really made me think (or maybe i just over-analyze) but w/e, i liked it

Filed, your part was nice, i like how you went about it, when i first read your piece, i found it different from every1 elses in a way that brought the piece down, but i looked again and i really liked the whole message you have there...every line contributed and praised the line that followed


Content, let me tell you, these two lines right here had me like DAMN, literally, i like your style, you have talent if i dont tell you anything else, your verse was strong, you also had some nice imagery


in a way deacon wrote as himself being the earth,and every other element wasnt fully written like that, but it didnt take away from the piece being as though the earth is the main element, in a sense
i liked the whole concept, ....elements,..... real creative
im lovin it
everyone's talent complimented the others
nice collab
props to everyone
didn't mean to write a novel, but...what can i say

__________________
~.:Soft Focus:.~
{--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --}
{-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-}
{--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--}
{-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-}
{ --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--}
Poetry
Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten
Understanding Once Again
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom:
the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."

Wow ladysage...thanks alot for the elaborate critique....We really did an amazing job on this as a whole...This really is what crews are all about complimenting each others talents....Alright lets get some more responses...Its good enough to raise millions...hahha

ohh yeah and um we are recruiting now so all you nice writers check out soft focus....crap now i feel like a Fank Mackie in an infomercial...hahah except im not teaching men how to get the "bush" if you know what i mean..

-1-

__________________
SOFT FOCUS crew record (3-0) Wits end ~ DOI ~ Central....now who's next?
sacred scriptures record (5-0)

Deacon says thanks

Filed says thank you

Calisto says thanks a lot

I say ferfuckssake gee thanks
And thanks Lady Sage

Alright lets get some more views...all these people are some of rb's finest....show respect...was that too harsh nahhhhh...

-1-

__________________
SOFT FOCUS crew record (3-0) Wits end ~ DOI ~ Central....now who's next?
sacred scriptures record (5-0)

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply to this. I really appreciate this, and you're response to our crew... y'all know we finna dominate RB right? But seriously get at us new people... great tallents, cause I have a love obsession with Rb... my hos are gonna get mad oh well lol thank you all again 'specially ladysage... remember get at us in that tryout thread playa playa lol peace

SHIT nice drop. I really liked how you collabed on this it was a real good mix. All around it was SWEET.

First off the whole structure was ill. Really enjoyed that. The wordplay, vocab, it was all there. I liked it alot and i hope all u keep dropping em. Mad props on this one keep em comin.

Overall Grade:

9/10

I always thought the elements were Earth, Fire, Wind, and Water. I didn't see fire. Oh well. Then again, if you've ever played most any Japanese bred RPG, you'd find that Ice, Shadows, and Lightning are also elements. ::Cough::Chrono Trigger::Cough::

Ok... ok... this peice... was like... ok... yeah. I'm sort of at one of those losses of words. I told myself when I entered this thread that I'd come up with a serious reply to it. Especially given all you people who wrote this. And I only ingrained that thought into my head as I read the peice and saw the time, the effort, and the talent that went into writing this peice. This isn't unobstruced raw McDonalds "meat" patty talent you're all displaying, this is finely tuned, heavely proccessed, carefully cooked prime rib talent.

Gosh I'm hungry.

I mean there is so much to say about this, yet I can't really concieve the words in my head. This was an awe inspiring peice.

And while it's probably wrong to play favorites... I feel like I have to say that while I liked each of your parts in this, some reason I liked Calisto's the most. I dunno. I guess I could sort of feel the rhythm to it and actually hear the words in my head.

A n y w a y... I didn't sleep and I replied with something. My reply is very shortcoming to what I'd like to of said, but hopefully you will take in what I wanted to say, and ignore what I actually said.

~Shalom~

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Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

nice read man it was a longer read, but worth every word of it i like this a lot

deacon - beautifull personification of earth man this was really really nice great imagery concise vocab and stayed on point man u really grasped this well

calisto - nice as well good imagery both of you compliment each other very much

filed - eh dirt is earth nonetheless this was also well written i can tell you put some effor into this piece and you rewarded your readers with it

content - in my eyes the one who brought everything together you really stood out man...and that is a feat considering your partners dropped bombs...if i tried to critique you i would diminish the meaning of this...so ill just say that you were the best in my eyes on this peace displayed dexterity in all categories dog

all in all this piece was nice all you complement each other well

if you guys can do me a favor and hit up my open mic its in my sig...i know its not in this forum, but i need some poetic type of feedback...not everyone in open mic understands alliteration and metaphores and all that stuff so please please if you guys can hit it up i would appreciate it

peace!!

Aww I love you nec!! Seriously thank you both for indepth replies... I know it's hard to take a longer peice (especially a 4 person collab) and remember things about it as well as talk extensively about different aspects of it... You guys rock and I'm happy that you liked this peice. I agree about the elements thing but I wasn't assigned an odd element so I didn't think too much about it.. that and I didn't want anyone to beat my ass an kick me outta the crew for sayin anything seeing as I was new then ! Lol thank ya all!! Y'all rule!

wow... just wow... probs to y'all
really really nice piece... I was feeling every one of 'em... just pure poetry.
definitely not a played out topic... when I read the title I thought it wasn't an easy task... but y'all made it work. It flowed magnificently together.
Probs to y'all...
Resp

Deacon says thanks

Filed says thank you

Calisto says thanks a lot

I say ferfuckssake gee thanks

Prophiit..Emerge..Split Eyez...Necro

thank you