yo i gots ill skills when i lay my shit
my mouth shootin bullets when i spit
i cud spit a clip, and rip yall scripts
crack ya hips, like dorito chips
lay back and get ripped, gettin blitzed
i got so ill, i had to goto a clinic

my carrer aint finished, u gettin dimineshed
get squished like spinich, while i lay back gettin rich
stand still and get lynched, yo punches like a pinch
i'm jus heatin up like valcanic ash, and a 3rd degree rash
mash yo ass, lite u up like a can of gas, and i'ma laugh

its a different case, when i win with no trace
i cant help it when u cant keep up tha pace
u blind like u was shot wit bear maze
leave u in a blind daze, u in a delusional phase
bein beatin by my lyrical heat waves
u mine like in those slavery days
keep u prisoned up like u was in a cage

i'ma end my spit by shiften a quik disc
and leave tha stage in a magical mist
.................................................. .........

feedback, jus some freestyle blah blah blah.

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback in or this will get deleted...

but this was alright i thought....your structure was alright could use a bit of a touch up though....flow was ok, try adding some multies and internals to it to help that out a bit....vocab in this was alright, could be up'd though...for a freestyle it was alright...keep at it.

yo i gots ill skills when i lay my shit
my mouth shootin bullets when i spit
- Ok Flow, your vocabulary is very weak... You should expand on it cause alot of your text was very predictable

i cud spit a clip, and rip yall scripts
crack ya hips, like dorito chips
- Nice Multis help'd the flow a lil... and ok meta... but again, very predictable...

lay back and get ripped, gettin blitzed
i got so ill, i had to goto a clinic
- Ok flow is gettin' shakey at this point and the 2 lines in this bar have no internal rhyme nor external... therefore it sounds like shit...

my carrer aint finished, u gettin dimineshed
get squished like spinich, while i lay back gettin rich
stand still and get lynched, yo punches like a pinch
- What Career... this is a Hobby... weak wordplay flow is madd shakey...

i'm jus heatin up like valcanic ash, and a 3rd degree rash
mash yo ass, lite u up like a can of gas, and i'ma laugh
- The first line of this bar was pretty good... cause the Vocab was a lil more advanced then the rest of yer shit... but the last part of of the second line of the bar made it seem like you struggled to rhyme something wit Rash...


its a different case, when i win with no trace
i cant help it when u cant keep up tha pace
- Nice flow... I'm hopein' that this is a keystyle cause you have no set topic...

u blind like u was shot wit bear maze
leave u in a blind daze, u in a delusional phase
- ok First line made no sense to me... whats a Bear Maze... but the Second line was pretty good... nice Vocab..

bein beatin by my lyrical heat waves
u mine like in those slavery days
keep u prisoned up like u was in a cage
Flow was iffy here... 1st line wack, 2nd line was an OK meta... overall not bad... not good...

i'ma end my spit by shiften a quik disc
and leave tha stage in a magical mist
- Decent endin'

Synapsis- ok... Well I'm hopein this was a Keystyle... cause if this was written I'd say either practice and elevate a LOT... or just find another hobby... The main problem is alot of yer stuff was madd simple and very predictable... Read some books and magazines and gain some vocabulary and build up on that and you'll be more creative wit yer metas and wordplay... other than that... keep doin' you... and keep elevatin'... Pz