|
|
|
|
| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
12-09-03, 05:44 AM
|
#1
|
||||||
|
Guest
|
Blanket of Lies
IP: 6F9E F23B
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...3225#post973225
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...3224#post973224 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=97359 Blanket of Lies Chorus Domestic bliss , Life’s Shattered, takes the piss I’m Never gonna live the life of domestic bliss Too busy smoking haze, dreamin away my days Alcoholic phased, confused and dazed,crazed X2 VERSE 1 ….For all my life my eyes have been blinded by lies…. …The ones I love turn to ones from which I hide… …I’ve never lied, cos it’s the thing which I despise… …Broken dreams, domestic violence, All the times I tried… …Tried to make the rips in our family structure re-attach… …Bring ‘em back together, Door of my mind left off the catch… …I strike a match; Turn the broken Dream in to flames… …Mentally I don’t wanna play my twisted mind games… …Say that I’m to blame?...Nah, just a natural cause… …But by my so calle family,my departure came to applause… Chorus Domestic bliss , Life’s Shattered, takes the piss I’m Never gonna live the life of domestic bliss Too busy smoking haze, dreamin away my days Alcoholic phased, confused and dazed,crazed X2 |
||||||
|
|
12-09-03, 06:52 AM
|
#2
|
||||||
|
Guest
|
...
IP: F0F9 1E5B
kinda short, fuckit, it was very short.
u need to make yo veses much longer so peeps get into it, and the chorus seemed better than the actual verse itself, remember make yo shit longer an let it appeal, you know! apart from that i give you a 2/10, sorry bruv but it was far too short. not veen a minute! |
||||||
|
|
|
12-09-03, 08:24 AM
|
#3
|
||||||
|
Guest
|
IP: D0CB 44B2
lines longer............need I say more?
|
||||||
|
|
|
12-09-03, 03:38 PM
|
#4
|
||||
|
Word.
|
IP: 6FDC 23CB
I thought the line length was fine....but this was alright i thought....made a good read....structure was good in this, just thought you could have added another verse atleast cause it was kinda short though...flow in this was alright...vocab was pretty good as well...overall this was a alright piece here...keep at it.
|
||||
 
|
|
 |
| Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
Linear Mode
