Hi im Newbie, and i wanna improve my skills. Just keep in mind im a beginner.

Here goes:

Cos Im lyrically da slickest rapper, got my drug money stashed in Cuba and overseas accounts in Bermuda

Im telling u now looks can be deceiving, with my smooth flow i got ur girl receiving all my semen while u keep dreamin about seamen,
stop looking secretly at sailormen, cos by now everyone knows ur bent, like a cheap male wh0re for rent, u only goin places where old ulgy rich men got dollaz to spent
so now ur trying to save ur face on da net, try to compete with da best, wannabe mc's tryin to put ME to da test?? --> but rest assured, son u won't be bored,
when u hear da guns clapping u betta hit da floor, listen up all u fakers lets make dis hardcore, dis will make me spill ur blood even more

I get my inspiration across da nation, cos im delivering class A's for addicts like u for ya daily lyrical hallucination

come against me and ill end ur family history, because on dis thread there is only room for ME and my true life story, wid ur b|tch a$$ lyrics ur just makin me feel horny, so that's why im gona explore u deeply anally cos i know u enjoy that gay $hit openly

Be a dumb guy, lets see how high u can fly before u hit da ground and slowly die
im already dead im just here to smack u flat on ur back, i dont approve of u injecting all dat smack, u a small timer, so just stick to low grade crack

And i wont rest,

untill i get you and ur crew addicted to snow and get u dancing around my pole like a cheap a$$ h0e,
u cant flow, u only gona end up da mortuary wid a nameless tag around ur toe as John Doe
cos mothertrucker ur too slow try to kill me and ill com for your soul, like da Brandon in da "Crow", you'll absorb my bullets whilst im smoking my homegrown

Thats right son i said homegrown, I own all da dope u buy of da streets, so think about that next time u be rolling da weed, cos on a daily basis ill be planting white widow seeds, haha you'll be needing my grass to put ur mind at ease cos wid these lyrics ill drown u in da deep

So son just remember after bringin out da Smith & Wesson, its time u remembered dis lesson, after all da violence there's only gona b silence......dont speak cos ill put u to sleep......

I dont mean no disrespect to nobody. Comments appreciated. If u think im lame, pls also explain why (puts flame suit on).

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names or this gets closed...Read The Sticky for the rules..

But this was alright...your structure could use some work though i think, your lines are kinda like in a paragraph form and you should put them line on top of line so its easier to read and fallow...but just work on your stuff and keep at it.

Oh shhhhh i can edit it anymore.......

i did 1 reply so far

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...0720#post980720

hit up 2 more queick the post it as a rply here so atleast you tried
BY THE WAY THIS WASNT BAD AT ALL
NEEDS SOME WORK BUT YOU GOT TALENT JUST NEED IT FINE TUNED

pretty good man...you had some creative lines...the way you set your stuff up you might write pretty good oetry you should try it out...keep elaveten mayn you got talent...peep my stuff thanks mayn

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Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

yeh i thought it wasnt bad for a nwb, i remember when i was a newb an i was worse han that.
you cant do much else apart from elevate

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<center><img src=http://www.rhymevantage.com/forum/attachment.php?s=&postid=6921=1 border=0></center>

that was some hot hot shit newbie. most nigagz at ur level can't even spit like that. change your structure a little and ur in there.
chek out my battle and tell me what you think.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=98208

Holla at em

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<marquee>FUCK YOU!!! YEAH YOU BITCH</marquee>

<center> </center>
slept on battle
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=105181
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=113861

pretty good read...Ya structure wasn't great cause ya seemed to stretch ya Lines out....not bad flow but try and extend ya Vocab....Just elevate a Bit And Ya Will have it aiight Peace.......