RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 12-14-03, 02:32 PM   #1
LA_4LYFE
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
No Limitz 2 Injustice

IP: C1DA C961

Now..
2 understand dis life first ask da crippled masses
they'll tell ya
crack only burns 2 turn many into ashes
I grieve strongly 4 those bein blasted
past away maybe 2 a betta place,
found peace atlast & relaxin
only if God grants 4giveness 4 der past actions
whatever happened 2 da innoscents of a child
a milded minded infint blistered wit truth, turns 2 genicile
i feel blind, can only wonder why black males ride on der own kind
it must b rooted in der past times, der it lies & hides dormant
the crime divides & corners der own children

da hopless unspoken feelin of bein 4-saken & un4-given
it might seem sin is da only form of livin
an whose 2 say de wrong
i only hear whites complain'in, until we change it
it'll continue on
stay calm until da flags wrap round ya white spawn
an 1 of ur own lay dead & bloody on ur front lawn
so young! never thought of burrien ur own son
how does it fell momz
der is no prejeduce of color in da war zones circumfrance
does God even notice, willl there ever b justice

?
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-14-03, 02:53 PM   #2
J*Miles
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: B910 8CBB

nice shit 7/10
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-14-03, 03:38 PM   #3
Menik
Word.
 
Menik's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,017
Joined: Aug 2003
From: Mifflinburg, PA
Status: Offline
IP: 340D 8B8F

^ Make a better reply next time..

But you need to leave 3 links or 3 names of feedback or this will get closed....i noticed that you never leave links/names of replies so..start.

But this was ok....structure was ok...but it needs some work though i think....try keeping your lines around the same length to make it structured good....and to help the flow out....try adding some multies as well...but keep at it.
Send a message via AIM to Menik Send a message via MSN to Menik   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:09 PM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.