A single pinprick so small it barely displays its mark on the pale white skin,
A drop of blood slowly oozes, stinging, a virus trying to break its way in,
Shooting spasms travelling upwards, sudden jolts of electric current,
Pain appears then fades, though its presense remains apparent.
A simple pigment in the imagination, a memory stains the mind,
Leaving areas cool, and misty, clouded, that truth becomes ever hard to find,
You feel it taunt you, tease you, sense it crawl and dance amongst your bones,
Infectious like an open wound, not yet began to scar, thus being the attack of human clones,
A world built for machines defence, the wool covering oblivious eyes,
This is the backdrop of the matrix, a whole planet tainted with agents lies,
So small you know its always there, hiding the pain redeemed to be true,
A flash of green, a code response, is the only vaguely visable clue..
Should you take the red pill, discover what has plauged you for years?
Or should you knock back the blue pill? return to a fake scenario, writhing with tears?

VERY CREATIVE...
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ok, is that the only reply i'm gonna get..not being critical but it dont tell me much..lol

Mmmm... I never liked the Matrix. The first movie was a blatant plot-steal of Dark City... and the fans of the Matrix had enough bad things to saw about the other two movies for me to ever say anything.

I think... this peice was solid up until the word bones. Then it sort of fell apart. But all the former things you wrote, amazing. It actually reminded me of this country song I've heard about this old man who pricks himself with a needle.

But the peice, again everything before the word bones, just sent an eiree shiver down me spine. It made me feel uncomfortable.

What I found amazing was, it made me feel. It's been a while since words could make me feel. Thank you.

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Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

thanks for the feed necromancer..much appriciated!

It starts off in a fairly blistering fashion. Using expressions of 'real' feelings to bring the reader right into it. Even if one doesn't know what it means exactly. But then i felt halfway through as it began to unravel. As you began to explain more. It became more akward. Well maybe not akward. But something near that. I dunno, i personally would've preffered you to have kept a similar level of mysticism as you did in the first half. Not saying it lost the mysticism altogether. But it lost a fair bit. Also the links between the movie became more clearer. Which i felt could've remained relatively shrouded.

Still a very nice read. Constructed very well. I'm just being a picky lil' fool with my critique...

...resp...

Hello Liba!

Ive only ever seen one matrix movie, and it was the second one so i was a little lost in the movie, and didnt understand much. but this piece you can still understand without seeing the movie at all. i think you did a great job saying what you wanted to, and made it interesting. i too felt i liked the first part more, but because it was more mysterious, and i love pieces like that. you had lots of detail and emotion, it was a strong written piece

~Tera~
DONT HATE

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