in this rap game im da best/
i spit through da wire like kanye west/
im da reason why u wearing a vest/
u fuckin wit me u gon get put to rest/
i roll 20 deep/ and nothin less/
u beating me/
is like ur mom fighting butterbean/
i know its mean/
but ur chances of winning is 1 out of 100 and 3/
so if u wanna battle bring ur crew/
and watch me handle ya'll like terminator 2/
so what cha gonna do/
i run up in ur house/
and leave hollow point tips right in ur mouth/
so if u in the game im takin u out/

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback too or this will get closed....

But this needs some work though...structure could use some work...try keeping all your lines around the same length so it flows good and so its structured good, dont have short and long lines all over the place, it throws it off...also try adding some multies...but keep at it.

you definatly need to elevate...

structure...
put more content in your lines, and keep the lines even
it will help you flow... dont use all these ////

vocab- read, read, read... extend this, it amazes people,
and compliments your style

wordplay- mix up the verse with wordplay....
this cant be taught, only practice can get you there

punches- punches will win your battles dawg... go to
W.E.C. and read the tutorials...

~AshY~

How old ? Work on your rhymes.. I can't say anything about this concept cuz I just spit something like it.

But even out your bars, and use more of an advanced vocab.. add a few meta's and you'll be straight..

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the main thing is lengthen ya bars.....not enough content in ya lines..way top short.....it takes away from the read....up ya complexity....jus keep at it and it will happen........pZ.....

this wasnt bad cuz i assuming you jus barly started writing not to long ago.... but yeah the flow i must say was the best part.... everything else was alright you need to work on your multies, structure, scheme,...... alot of the shit....try explaining what your tryin to say with more details instead of jus..." im the best" you kno....elevate tho....pz

thanks for to info ya'll. i just got into this

structure sucks.......yah...work on it all..