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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
02-08-04, 12:12 AM
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#1
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_-Lucky Rabbits Foot-_
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_-.::Satan's Contract::.-_
IP: CF61 4449
Ok this is a little personal,
it' how a lot of people end up in a Herse'n'All, tryed to kill myself n slit my wrists, cauz I lived a shitty life always pummeled wit fists, friends take turns at attemptin my death on shifts, took a blunt knife to my neck quick and swift, on Christmas my new belt was my favorite gift, tryed to hang myself from a window wit it... but I lived, belt snapped I fell onto the roof and I wus Pissed, broken legs and arms it's impossible to die, been beat of so much I have my death inside, an evilness as pride, how can I still be alive, the only reason for me livin is to die, so I strive, went to the top of a skyscaper... attempted to dive, got stuck wit needles in my eyes, jumped into pits of knives, ran into gunfights...n got shot in drive-byes, stuck my head out the car to hit mailboxes whiel i drive, I'ma messed up cat I got way too many Lives, all my life of my dignity I've been Deprived, Deaths the only fuckin' thing that's ever on my Mind, Like my name says I'm poisonus like Cyanide, and this is a letter or note to confirm my Suicide, Now everybody on earth know's that I've died, Hook- I got the Pen and Paper writin' this Note... I used to be a rapper... Everybody knew was Dope, Until I stop livin' Im gonna continue to Rhyme, Give me My fukin' Death So I can sign this dotted line.... Givin' Satan my sould for death... Aint no goin' Back, Unless Jesus comes to the rescue... To put me back on Track... Had friends push my wheelchair into Oncoming Traffic, attempted to strangle my self wit bands made of elastic, cracked at my skull wit metal bats... they were Plastic, for Me to ever die Measures would have to be drastic, had kick boxers kick at my face...while wearin' hardwood classics, tryed so many times... this minds fresh out of fukin' tactics, When I bleed my bloods blue... even after it touches Air, went bungee jumpin' wit no cord and wusnt scared, stuck my Hands in blades of fans... nobody cared, took forks to my face and my judgement was Impared, had a friend crusify me... but my fukin' Life wus spared, dropped an Iron on my face from the second Floor, jumped towards plane propellors as The airplane soared, haven't died yet but I've gone through so Much gore, bought prescription drugs... and ODed in the store, ate an apple half at a time... and choked on the Core, went outside and chopped colums... to die under a crumbled Porch, slammed my head in the door, and tryed to Blaze up wit a Torch, had a friend take a sledge hammer to my chest... took 9 shots like fifty... but without the Vest, If I'm not yet dead then I must be blessed, It's making me crazy... it must be one of god's Tests, Hook- I got the Pen and Paper writin' this Note... I used to be a rapper... Everybody knew was Dope, Until I stop livin' Im gonna continue to Rhyme, Give me My fukin' Death So I can sign this dotted line.... Givin' Satan my sould for death... Aint no goin' Back, Unless Jesus comes to the rescue... To put me back on Track... I wus In the Twin towers when they burned down, Jumped form the 67th floor and hit the ground, didn't die legs cracked But I heard no sounds, they rescued me from the debris that They Found, dropped a weight on my back that weighed 2,000 Pounds, got into a car n drove over the side of a bridge, plummeted into the water cut my head... n only needed a Stitch, broke both hands wit hammers and screamed YOU FUCKIN' BITCH, swallowed poisons and inhaled deadly fumes, 102 trys at Death but have not met my doom, locked my self in a freezer but I didn't Freeze, had A case of cancer they cured my Disaese, messed wit Bee hives and got stung by lots of Bees, layed back in my bed and prayed... God Kill Me Please, what the fuck I woke up... It's just a Dream, I'm sittin' on A plane ridin' it first class, fuck that suicide ya'll can Kiss my ass, what the fuck the planes starts descending down, A bomb epxlodes then the remains fall to the ground, I'm not dead I'm layin there really Burnt'n'Bruised, almost dead now my body scarred 'n' abused, I guess the dream was real cauz I set this bomb, and this Time I've sinned I won't see my mom, never got to say good-bye to all my friends, doin' this to the people I love made No Sense, with my last breath I prayed for one more Chance, I'd make it up to everyone and SLice my Heart'in'Half, I'ma Poison my heart is made of Ice, I wish I had another chance to not spread my plague Twice, SlowRhyme-[b] I'm sorry for all this Shit, I really Didn't Mean, I wish I had another chance just to Intervene, N I'll tell ya now I really had good Friends, But if I had another shot... I'D DO IT ALL AGAIN!, [b]Hook- I got the Pen and Paper writin' this Note... I used to be a rapper... Everybody knew was Dope, Until I stop livin' Im gonna continue to Rhyme, Give me My fukin' Death So I can sign this dotted line.... Givin' Satan my sould for death... Aint no goin' Back, Unless Jesus comes to the rescue... To put me back on Track... Talking... I wish I may... I wish I mite, Just have this wish... I wish tonite, and If I do... I will not Lie, I'll take One more Chance... At Suicide...
__________________
_-Current Battles-_
SyaNidal \v/ Diverse _-Open Mics-_
....Tragic..Death..I.... ....Tragic..Death..II....  _-::.CorruptedVisionz.::-_
Last edited by SyaNidal : 02-08-04 at 12:36 AM. |
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02-08-04, 12:18 PM
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#2
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: 399E F0FD
This was decent...but..I felt as it dragged on a bit..you could've told the story in two verses..your imagery seemed pretty decent..and your flowed seem alright,but your wordplay was a bit weak..work on it...that's about it...peace~~~
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02-08-04, 02:05 PM
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#3
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_-Lucky Rabbits Foot-_
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IP: CF61 4449
up up and AWAY!
__________________
_-Current Battles-_
SyaNidal \v/ Diverse _-Open Mics-_
....Tragic..Death..I.... ....Tragic..Death..II.... _-::.CorruptedVisionz.::-_
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02-08-04, 02:32 PM
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#4
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New to RB
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IP: 9599 AB82
This was decent. At first the repetition was cool, but by the third verse, it started to bother me. The flow was easy, rhyme scheme could have been better. I agree with pen that this could have been told in less words. Overall it was a decent drop. Keep droppin'.
Please drop feedback here: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112947 |
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02-08-04, 02:54 PM
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#5
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Word.
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IP: 9C1E 2B43
Yeah this was alright here.....I didnt really like the grey color to it, kinda blended in with the site a bit i thought lol but it was ok i guess....the concept i thought was good....the content was alright.....flow in it was pretty good, stayed on pretty well i thought....overall this was alright....keep at it.
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02-08-04, 07:23 PM
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#6
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_-Lucky Rabbits Foot-_
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IP: CF61 4449
Uppin
__________________
_-Current Battles-_
SyaNidal \v/ Diverse _-Open Mics-_
....Tragic..Death..I.... ....Tragic..Death..II.... _-::.CorruptedVisionz.::-_
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02-08-04, 08:07 PM
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#7
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Guest
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IP: FED2 6C95
I didnt really feel thiz drop much. Flow kinda was, I dunno choppy I guess. But it most def. didnt suck, so you do you. 6.5/10.
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02-08-04, 08:32 PM
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#8
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New to RB
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IP: 4577 CD9A
it was aight...dragged on a lil....cut it down nd id say its pretty good...keep at it
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02-09-04, 03:42 PM
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#9
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_-Lucky Rabbits Foot-_
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IP: CF61 4449
Uppin... leave a link...
Ill post feedback
__________________
_-Current Battles-_
SyaNidal \v/ Diverse _-Open Mics-_
....Tragic..Death..I.... ....Tragic..Death..II.... _-::.CorruptedVisionz.::-_
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02-09-04, 04:29 PM
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#10
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New to RB
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IP: B9BC 73E2
I only read like the first 3 verses, and i thought they where pretty tight.. i couldnt be bothered to read the rest lol sry, but what i read i liked
 good work 
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