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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
12-20-04, 01:17 AM
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#1
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Middle Weight
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laced
IP: 0025 550A
stoned potions have u move in slow motion//
greenery's potent have u left wide open// but u copin, tryna stand on ya two feet// eyes weak, but u feel ya souls deep// u don't speak, u jus sit back and observe// everythings a blurr, the room starts to turn// ya chest starts to burn, u hold ya side// friends look concern, tears runnin down ya eyes// a word fo the wise, theres no one to trust// adrenaline rush grass laced wit the dust//
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Lyrical Rapsody |
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12-20-04, 02:59 AM
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#2
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No Relation To Tina
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IP: 7358 D119
ok......a lil helpful criticism here
it was a lil boring to read......you should learn to put some multis in your verse....it would make it better.....up your vocab some....you rhymed rather non complex words in this verse....example:feet, deep......side, eyes....trust, dust...... overall it wasnt a bad concept....just take this same concept and rewrite it while tryin to use multis, and better vocabulary....just practice these things and it will come to you more easy every time you try to write.......just keep elevating.....4/10 |
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