Replied to: Sappo & Suspicous'

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{Tech Skillz}

My Mind's Concrete Thoughts Cracked And Corrupt
Nerves Exploding While My Vaines Vastly Errupt
Adam's Apple's Choked In And A Shadow's Reopened
Canoe A River Of Death While My Paddle Is Broken
For The Time In Riddles Made My Mind Be Withered
For I've Aligned So Little I'm In The Midst Of Winter
Frozen, Chizzled Into A Package To Be Burned In
Leeches In My Soul To Relieve These Burdains
I Carry My Sins, Slavery Pins...Me To The Board
My Plates Shift So I Shiver While I Scortch At The Core
Skin Boils In The Presence Of My Misbehavior
While I Drag A Rope That Slowly Tightens Around My Savior
I'm Wrecked Inside, Left To Die, Flex And Sigh
Place This Hex Aside, Venture As I'm Sentencesized
With The Shadow Behind Me, A Burdain Well Packaged
For I'm Only Flesh And Bones, A Human At Average
Scaled Down To Nothing For This Shadow Constricts
So My Jugular Vaines Fills The Hunger And Pain In This
While I'm Placed In The Casket, Burried And Shoved In The Dirt
Roam Down The Valley Of Death For I'm Plagued WIth A Curse

Demons beacons tethered to one’s soul in the light
Hidden in darkness masked when it’s cold in the night
Anguish, torment, and failure, is ya role in the fight
Death’s henchmen whispers in the ear, told ya goodnight

{Heaven's Demon}

Starving of thirst, the first of the worst tortures embedded in the mind
Signs one finds remind, of axes to grind, seek darkness stay out the lime
The light dim or bright, forces flight, hoping one might, escape the fight
Shackled in maniacal clamping ankles, chaining sanity looking for release
Finding no peace, wishing the pursuit to cease, or at least to cage the beast
Or let it feast on the meat of another; still it looms over ready to smother
Must find cover; bathe in the emptiness of an abyss, the chase relentless
Never needing to replenish… strength misery clothed in colorless company
Stay away from the light like poltergeists, things at play there are not nice
Hold strong like vices, no evading, outside of shading heavy in deep voids
Ever present in the essence of hope, don’t cope know one’s forever damned
Forever crammed into places, evil supposedly lay awoke, unprovoked
Choked on its own charred, splintered bone shards, unwontedly baited
A waiting its escape into salvation, penetrate membrane of the bright
See its captor in peripheral sight and fight for rights, to prowl in the light

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damn..........this was TIGHT..........i vote this shit OM of the month!!!!

nice imagery and flow to it...it connected very well and never fell off rhytm and shit man.
the vocab too was sick man.........HD you should have joined SAPIENT SPEECH TOO MAN....you aight wit that shit!

damn TECH i cant wait to battle you in SS man DAMN

WORDNESS

10/10

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thanks for the feed, good shit, thanks for the voting for us

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Hmm this was a pretty decent drop i was really feeling H.D drop you had alot of emotions and very good imagery , both verses flowed well together but i feel that tech'z bars would have been shorten to get the main idea across to the reader using the least amount of word..but overall pretty nice drop keep it up.

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good shit keep it up .. nice drop on both halfs

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nice poetry/rap fosho

Adam's Apple's Choked In And A Shadow's Reopened
Canoe A River Of Death While My Paddle Is Broken


plenty of nice mettas


Hold strong like vices, no evading, outside of shading heavy in deep voids
Ever present in the essence of hope, don’t cope know one’s forever damned


i lost the rhyme scheme a few times and thought a few rhymes was forced a lil

but altogether this is a strong piece..with lots of conceptual matter going down


yeah coo writing..HD used long lines... good still

thanks for the feedback everyone.......uppin for more feedback

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pretty nice hoes....

vocab was nice, lyrics were pretty well written, its been a min since
i got critique an open mic...props on the drop

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O Know, He's Back!

yep,, this piece was deep and creative,, everything put together nicely.....
heavens demon and tech skillz rap this up nicely

keep elevatin......

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thanks for the feedback yo.............

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Well pretty good...
But wtf... there is some emotion but it's scattered over the place and not very deep. I can see the imagery so that's good.
Tech's was better though... emotion.
Really liked H.D.'s rhyme scheme, the multi's were pretty good.
Just some pointers.
Review grammar and spelling. I can see some errors there...
Overall good peice.
7.3/10

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Guess who?...

...Paramik Fuckin'...

...Owns You!

the rhyme scheme was good, but the emotion wans there, it was scastteredm thrououhgt constantly but i couldnt cath any of it, but still decent, techs was better good structure, good piece keep writing

you basically copied and pasted paramik's post lol
thanks for the feedback ya'll...................

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www.m-w.com <~~~ that's my spell checker... nothing's spelled wrong... Tired of nigga's holla'n that shit like I don't spell check my shit ahead a time...

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