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07-11-05, 01:57 AM | #1 | ||||||
Light Weight
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Untitled
IP: 23D5 2B69
How do i do it??make the same mistakes...
find a girl i like but still manage to let her go. Did i really have feelings or was it just an illusion?? Minds tend to lie, and feelings seem to come an go, but as i sit and wonder what could've been... My mind begins to spin, twisting the truth it all becomes a blurr. No longer know who to believe or what to do. So i decide to sit an wait on everythin to settle Maybe then life will be a little bit better.... yea i know it ain't that long but feedback greatly appreciated |
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07-11-05, 02:57 AM | #2 | |||||||
New to RV
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IP: 17A8 F574
i liked it man...god damn women cuzz they all tricks, takit from me cuzz bitches aint shit..Fucker n chucker, humper an dumper, Fuckit and chuckit
but i liked that man..i felt it had emotion and came to me as very powerful keep it up |
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07-11-05, 03:00 AM | #3 | |||||||
Light Weight
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IP: F560 33E0
That was really good!
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07-11-05, 12:01 PM | #4 | ||||
Odi et Amo
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IP: 47A6 5A95
You need work but you got potential for sure, I'll give you constructive feedback, no hate, just trying to help...
The best aspect of your poem is the emotion without a doubt but your imagery and overall poetic vibe needs a bit of work. Vocab might be improved but big vocab is not necessary to write an excellent poem. Just try to use a lot of images, pictures through which you express your emotion. Might put some nice sound expressions in it such as internal rhyming, alliterations and assonances. But your emotion was excellent already, just work from there and you'll become damn good poet!
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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07-11-05, 04:24 PM | #5 | ||||||
Light Weight
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IP: 23D5 2B69
thanks for the feedback yall...uppin
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