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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
02-05-04, 08:59 AM
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#1
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Guest
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need to leave
IP: 7397 5B10
who am I.... I hope I'm not a fake//
cause the second it gets unreal is when I hit the breaks// don't wanna accelerate, well maybe at a slow pace// wish to be less than jake cause I"m not feelin this race// no ace up my sleeve, I want to leave on a sabatical// not a radical change, just need to go I have to pull// my own weight, hate that I'm consumed by all nighters// I'm tired all the time seems like my brain has arthritis// but I'm a fighter, give me a pipe and a lighter, pen and paper// life? I do not hate her, wish I could just embrace// wish I could ask my maker why that bitch has me so wasted// this ain't all gravy baby, I mean we kill for no reason// you say we're livin fine? bullshit's reakin, whats the meanin// of us, in god we trust, but still I use his name in vein// thats why I gotta go cause this hypocricy's insane// now I'll refrain from complainin, how you livin?// thanks for givin up your ear sometimes it's good simply to listen// just been itchin on my mind, what you think? you think I lost it?// well maybe thats the truth, but it's my life and I'm the boss kid// you run your own... and I'll run mine just go the fuck on home if you can't deal with the grind can't find your niche yourself than don't come to me moan and bitch on your own time because my time isn't free |
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02-05-04, 09:04 AM
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#2
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Flyweight
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Got Potential
IP: 22D2 4A11
It was pretty basic (multies, plot, etc)
It did have good structure, try taking those // off the ends put your thumb over the screen it's looks the same to your structure and looks better for the person reading it But yeah the Structure with out that// was NICE Like I said needs wordplay, vocab. better multies COULD BE DOPE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  JamesJr. What coast are you from? Vote on my poll http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112237 do me the favor and give some honest criticism of my links
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undefined Love for all real lyricists and poets ~~~~~~~~ Open Mics http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112397 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111729 2nd Battle NEEDS 4 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111647 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=110858  
Last edited by JamesJr. : 02-05-04 at 09:08 AM. |
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02-05-04, 09:11 AM
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#3
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Guest
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IP: 7397 5B10
word, thanks for the input, that // thing is complete habit, started when I started posting verses a few years ago and just haven't been able to drop it...
and I"m from the west coast seattle WHAT?? |
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02-05-04, 09:27 AM
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#4
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Guest
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IP: F696 61D3
ok i think this could've been a hot post it wasn't wack, it's just that it wasn't strong enough it could be alot better you need to work on your vocab a lil bit more and maybe your multies could be better but overall this was a real good deep kind of spit and i was feeling it to a certain extent.
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