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05-03-06, 10:38 PM | #1 | ||||
oh yea?
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"Never Let You Down"
IP: 9383 96F6
the fee binds him, he just cant have a shallow free-mind when
realizing something other than a shadow’s behind him a young girl; this brunette whore, whom his feelings immense for even when shes next door his hearts still beating against her’s with the thirst of his first love, he’d go any distance for pleasure the instant he met her he promised to be with her forever as her red paint-brush lips were quickly making him a art that was amazing in the start, now breaking them apart to the point of no return, but this one geeks a cold dude a bold mack that’ll go back whether or not hes suppose to but shes moved on to another, a female lover.. he sees this, its clear dripped in tears, hes hit with fears that maybe the bitch is queer his nerves have burst, prolly wouldn’t if he had heard of her turns into a murderer and burns them with the furniture the rooms up in flames, the whole scenario was something lame but stuck with blame, he feels a huge amount of fucking pain because he loved her, but also cause of a pact he made that no matter what, mad or fucked.. he’d treat her ass the same with love that is, mostly hug and kiss.. plus caress through town his first words, not meant to hurt her were “I’ll never let you down” dishonest, he broke his promise, or so it seems at first thinking deep gives birth to a way for him to keep his word so amongst the fire, noone on earth could call him liar he picks her corpse up and holds her till hes engulfed in fire
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AIM = David Lama says
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05-03-06, 10:39 PM | #2 | ||||
oh yea?
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IP: 9383 96F6
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2735449
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2735451
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AIM = David Lama says
Last edited by David Lama : 05-04-06 at 01:00 AM. |
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05-05-06, 10:57 PM | #3 | ||||
oh yea?
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IP: 9383 96F6
thanks guys. .................................................. ..........................
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AIM = David Lama says
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05-06-06, 06:51 AM | #5 | |||||
Not_Indeph
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IP: 0825 899A
WTF@ her leaving him for a girl. I'da killed that fuckin bitch. Good drop tho. Make a line with him killing the bitch. It's urking me.
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05-06-06, 07:32 AM | #6 | |||
WhoAreYou?
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IP: A181 D033
you know what i liked this piece, it was decent still. the imagery kept me reading this piece. there was a decent amount of emotion. feels like this would be better as an audio piece though for some reason. vocab was pretty basic though to be honest, but it ain't so much of a thing this time though. i liked the rhyme scheme in this as well. the story was cool too. I'd have burned someone if my girl lef me for a girl lol.
good piece keep it goin fam RTF please: http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=227675 ~peace~ Last edited by ...D.P... : 05-06-06 at 07:39 AM. |
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05-06-06, 02:42 PM | #7 | |||||
oh yea?
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IP: 9383 96F6
Quote:
lol.. apparently you didnt read the whole thing cause he did kill her good looks guys.
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AIM = David Lama says
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05-06-06, 03:43 PM | #8 | ||||
Moderator
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IP: 6EB9 28C9
I thought it was dope as hell. No joke.
Personally, I wouldn't tell a lesbian that I'd never let her down and then die with her. I'd rather beat off a few times to some porn that she's in, but whatever floats your boat is cool. The peice was still ill. |
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05-07-06, 04:11 PM | #9 | ||||
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IP: 5B30 0354
Word this was really hot i was feeling it especially he merked the girl..shhh.. i would have done the same thing.. but it was a really good drop..nice wordplay and good vocab and imagery usuaged..keep it up.
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The Competition
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