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05-02-04, 04:45 AM | #1 | |||||||
Middle Weight
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=New spit=
IP: DE17 B514
Here's somethin' quick I did while watchin' Remember The Titans and ish........wun
When I spit nauseous, like un-sterilized syringes // You feel the brunt of the anguish my proficiency infringes // Innovative techniques show the uncanny peculiar mystique // That makes the conventional traditions emerge eerie and bleak // When I articulate your capability tends to deflate and deteriorate // Cuz I+T equals faultless precision, make no mistake in this debate // Uncanny rhymes of a sort are sent here to distort, and leave ya’ll Gettin’ left out to dry like prostitutes under a roof-less fort // Prepare the astounding encore, for our name is soon to be immense // Like worried Y2K Inhabitants, you’re doomed to live past-tense // Speakin’ our name is an instance of exceptional personified significance // We can set aside our differences that protrude throughout your dim-witted sentences // |
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05-02-04, 06:36 AM | #2 | ||||||
New to RB
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IP: D028 8E88
Some lines didn't even make sense, which made the piece even worse than it already was.
Choppy flow, weak lines. Try to get more complex with your thought process when writing, it will make your shit more interesting. Right now, though, it's very weak. |
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