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06-22-09, 11:36 AM | #1 | |||||||
dope
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Life Battles
IP: F63D 3698
Tech Verse
Get up every day and feel like im in the pits the pain stings so bad like havin wrists slit flippin out. while my mind skips..all the badness filled along with the emotion and havin all the sadness filled battles with stress 2 depressed to even walk out im happy for a second den next im 2 stressed 2 talk out starting to fall down i dont think i can make it alone need someone special by my side someone dat'll keep me known old memories scattterd imbedded in my head thought's of dieing scare me, they dont escape and spread remember life is a battle, and im saying to teach people never back down on wot u start. humans are all equal like math's equals and negetives, try produce positives haha and we seek our goals dudes thats our main objective try ignore the past, because for some it was kinda trash but dont let the past put you down kick it in the ass like the sayin nothing last forever, its very true with the experiences i went through, urs aint compared 2 Express how u feel with the stress, and your skill lifes a battle just gotta reach the top of the game u feel Dont let wack mc's say u aint good enough, cuz we all learning and everybody got different agenders, Life keeps on turning |
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06-23-09, 12:14 PM | #2 | ||||
Within Eternity's Wither
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IP: 8E07 91B3
Not bad....your writing at an beginner level, not much imagry even tho its filled with an easily depicted emotion your word choice and vocabulary could be better to add more depth and interest to the piece but still its a pretty complete drop which deserves props just work on lengthing it out so I should end abruptly and although this may be a personal experience that many whom started out can relate to it's however a mediocre topic which has been done countless times. Not bad though and also you shouldn't use slang or slanted rhymes in your piece just to make it flow....slang isn't good for writing and if your going to abbreviated words abbreviated them all to show consistancy.
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crhyme sindicate
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06-23-09, 12:16 PM | #3 | ||||
Within Eternity's Wither
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IP: 8E07 91B3
Oh and make sure you drop to links or I will have to close your piece
-Forum Mod
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