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10-18-04, 07:14 PM | #1 | ||||
To The Ground...
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Cold Night (Still Remain & New Meth0d)
IP: 591D 7C71
Its cold and dark……………walking by myself, yet still not alone
...the feeling you get when no one is there when u pick up the phone ….I turn back quickly nothing but dark shadows and bad thoughts do I hear footsteps? Must be my imagination……… or maybe not Ima obsession of a man with disillusions, or is this man an illusion a black SUV has been following me, its safe to draw conclusions but why? Im not famous, or well known I don’t even go out a lot could I have seen him at work, do these people go to coffee shops? Im scared now…..i can hear footsteps behind me, this isn’t a joke So I knock knock on the closed bank door, ill be safe……..i hope Please please security im desperate… let me in this is an emergency “What??..... …were closed can’t your read this better be an urgency” yes it is I need help there’s a man…….i think he is following me “Should I call police?”….. by now fears jaws are swallowing me in a panic I take off and run, im only 4 blocks from my apartmentSecurity guard couldn’t help so how could the police department Im only one block away and my fears are lifted I think he’s gone Ill be safe tonight……..who’s that, ohhh no looks like im wrong I remember who he is,… that man at the coffee shop, I smiled at I served him coffee black, no cream or sugar then he smiled back A wall street, poster boy……………no one would have guessed He’s a stalker, not much of a talker……..but why is he obsessed I don’t know what’s going to happen when we meet face to face I feel around, in my purse, make-up, wallet, hair brush and mace I’ll get away tonight but what’s gonna stop him from coming back Ill be better prepared lets just say……… curiosity will kill the cat That night, oh it’s been so long since I held the hair of a female, The scent the smell, but I found her tonight, lips of red skin is pale, Following, lingering my head low on the dashboard of my pathfinder, I keep a keen eye on my surroundings, where’d she go? I need to find her, There she is, I get close, hearing the patter of my own footsteps she turns, I duck down, she probably thinks I’m a weird, I marvel at her face, my heartburns, She stumbles to a bank and knocks, and soon after out comes the bank teller man, He shakes his head no, he doesn’t understand, this is all going directly to plan, “NO!” I yell, as she takes off in a bolt and runs down the street and keeps going, My face shudders as my heart continues growing; I see her now, its silent no wind blowing, Why do I like these coffee girls? She did me good and made me a damn good drink, But I couldn’t stop staring, my eyes were glaring, the drink was how I ordered I think, This sucks, I spent money a couple of bucks and bought a damn coffee, And now she won’t even slow down or begin to stop to talk to me, Yes they call me a certain word, which they believe I am, they call me bipolar, I do have occasional freak-outs, and spaz out at times, but with that label oh I concur, You better kiss your life goodbye, and tell yourself to scream out Bye Bye World, Because you are my main target, while you scream I make a duet and scream Die White Girls, What do you want to talk to me? White pearls? I’d do anything for just one conversation, My mind is racing; I’m wondering why you passed up the local police station, If people see me and get suspicious kiss goodbye your last wishes, I’ll have to cease, And pull back, you wont make it; you wont get to safety in one piece, It hurts because it seems you are entering where you live, I stammered my heart now vile, Now I have to go home, and guess how? Yes that’s right alone, ill sit in my room think a while, Now I’m laying in bed, tears slowly begin to open and fill the center of my eyes, I know I’ll wake to the sound of my own magnificent but terrible cries… You got away this time my beauty, maybe I will float you a smile, and slip you a note, Because its only fair for you to know, that next time we meet, my hands will be around your throat, Black-New Meth0d Dark Red-Still Remain
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Mondo Thugs.
Merciless Cult. Last edited by Still_Remain : 10-18-04 at 07:19 PM. |
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10-18-04, 08:35 PM | #2 | ||||||
Bow Chicka Bow Wow
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IP: FEFC E273
this piece is nice......dont sleep
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10-18-04, 10:58 PM | #3 | ||||||
FiVe SoUrCe CeO
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IP: 0825 899A
this piece is long...
geesh I'll comment on Still Remain's verse...interesting style...lots of imagery...good rhyming could stand more internal multies, especially since the lines are sooooo long flow was decent pretty good homie 1 |
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10-19-04, 10:20 AM | #4 | ||||||
Bow Chicka Bow Wow
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IP: 0F56 1463
uppin for feedback
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10-19-04, 02:50 PM | #5 | ||||
To The Ground...
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IP: A713 E6BC
lol @ just leaving feed on mine, but yes UP!
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Mondo Thugs.
Merciless Cult. |
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10-19-04, 03:08 PM | #6 | ||||
New to RV
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IP: A713 E6BC
Still_Remain- Pretty good flow, but the lines are a little long. Nice visualizing. Good work.
New Meth0d-Decent flow. You overused the periods for line consistensy. Need to work on the vocab but otherwise good.
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rap4 ( P ) Pronunciation Key (rp) n. Slang: A form of popular <a href="http://www.ntsearch.com/search.php?q=music&v=56">music</a> developed especially in African-American urban communities and characterized by spoken or chanted rhyming lyrics with a syncopated, repetitive rhythmic accompaniment. ^Don't forget the white man^ Poetic Scriptures poems: http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=157364 http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=157462 |
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