Replies: word perfect, payce, and kryitical


My people call me BigCheze because I stand alone and I aint afraid to squeze//tha desert eze thats never on safety, cock back and pop you and turn yo' brains into gravy//see tha streets made me yeah I'm a real danger, I'm sewin' niggas up like my nickname was singer//and I'm tha real reason that parents tell they children dont talk to strangers and look both ways before you cross tha street//cause when I'm ridin' in my Nova I might run you ova, I'll knock tha chip off yo' shoulda if your bootin' me up//I'm from tha Cut Throat City down here we dont care, I get middle finga designs braided in my hair//but dont stare and dont say shit cause in tha 9 th ward we known for fightin' wit bricks, sticks, aks and 9 millis//tha government told my momma that she had to get rid-a-me, that's why I smash there car windows, mix sugar wit their gas//so when it was time to graduate I was tha head off tha class.....

structure it better, was difficult to read and follow the flow here, content kinda remined me of a Ja Rule song from "Blood in my eye"..... especially this line:
"I stand alone and I aint afraid to squeze//tha desert eze thats never on safety,"

cut away from the net gangsta image, try something with more originality...go to the tutorials forum and learn about different aspects of text writing...keep spittin' though, you'll elevate sonn enough!


return the favour please if you can..cheers:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=101062

..another internet 'Thug'..that's what the world needs more of...
come on now...let's be real..moving onto your post..it was very weak..your flow wasn't there..you tried a little too hard to gangsta..which fucked up your flow...

Yeah this was ok....but your structure needs work...dont put it in paragraph form like that, make it line on top of line so its structured good and so it helps the flow out....try adding some better multies to this....but keep at it.

kool

like's been said set it out better, for an easier read....flow was ok...but needs work...places seemed stretched..... complexity lacked a bit.. as has been said....but as a piece it was ok..a bit hard'...but with some work youll improve....pZ

yo i liked that gravy line.but you need to keep puttin punches and maybe some multis.i liked it tho.keep it up.