random shit i made up feedback please





ima cum round ya blok// wit a glok//u bout to get shot// by a thug hu fazed like tupac//rock//da mic buss u hed//take a bout 4 clips full of led//get bussed jus cos da nasty fings u sed//we no u tryin act hard jus for some girls to giv u hed//take it from me boo//if u dont shut up u gonna get knoked by me n ma crew//u wont neva go thru wot i bin thru//n u no this statement is tru//u not like me n no1 likes u//play are game// break the rules bitch u wantin to get mamed//n framed// n put on a wall// believe me a few words arent worth the fall// u bout to drop//u snitch to cops// jus cos sum1 limped ur leg n u had to hop//i swear u tripped// landed on ya hip// boi wot u sayin?, r u tryin to get ripped//do u want us to cok it nn empty this clip//
trust me trik// take a tip// run away never comeback//dont look back//ur mouth full of crap//im gunna buss a hole straight in ya sack//go home// dont rome// r steets// u want beef//u got it bitch u stepped in heat// i dont care if u tip toe across ma feet//u still gonna get beets//go on go home a weep//get ur tearas all over ur sheet//u no nothin else COULD squirt on there//hav ur balls even got hair//an look at ya mum i feel sorry for er the poor mair//go home dont watch the road dont take care//i could never wish def on nobody//but i could comit murder deffinitly//i h8 sum, ppl wit passion// n if i ever see em im gonna crash em// lash at em//
trash talk em//make em switch//hit them den n dere sho em hus the man n hus the bitch// i dont care if his dads rich//i create a glitch// in his happy life//steal da kids// kill da wife// n i neva eva leave ma nife// at home on the counter//stab the bouncer//steal a ounce a,// crack// take it back//to da fort//neva eva get cort//i aint neva the 1 wel dats wot da police fort//

__________________
ooooweeeeh

It would be better If you changed ur Structure the way you have it make's it harder to read.

__________________

way to choppy and mixed up to understand u need to work on ya rhymes and ya multis and flow and wordplay u should take a trip to tutorials to learn some basics iight.....

__________________

i wouldnt say your ryhmes horrible... you just need bigger words... boo, flew, crew, who, me, you.... se wot im sayin... if your words are larger and more varied the rhymes will sound better, wods dont ahve to end the wit the same thing to rhyem or sound good
"and out there i was slinging crack to live, im only slinging to rap to you kids"
shit lie that!.... similar words in between and near the end.... hope it helps holla

__________________
________
It's all love.

nah i wouildnt say bigger words just better words use thjings that maKe sence rhyme and hit hard it dont matter if it is 1, 2 or 3 sylobls as lonmg as it works.................

__________________

agrrein wid u insane , Soz i aint pmd u back will do soon

__________________
lickdacreamoff
_-_-*baby_gal*-_-_

iight thynx yea but work on dat vocab and u will def upp ya game alot..................................

__________________