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06-28-05, 08:55 PM | #1 | |||||
[ a.k.a Os ]
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She Tries Too Hard
IP: F519 0F67
I saw her history in her hands But could not deal with the present Of her loving me. Never known anyone Like her above me. And angel in my eyes That only I one could see Love at first sight Is a lie that I despised And I tried so hard to hide From it blissfully Love at first sight Did not exist for me But swiftly that which don’t exist Had its grips on me No time to deny its existence Or even to ponder its descriptive This is the rhythm of a lost heart beat A distant whisper in an innermost me I tried too hard to be bold Tryin’ to harden my soul Heart feelin’ cold Death lived through me Love a trite fantasy And muse of insanity Bleeding from the wrist I died poetically Cherub in my direction I was scared of my perception I saw love in her reflection Possibility. Of love for me I was not ready for that Love dies But she’s a rose in the Garden That managed to stay alive And I’m the skeptic Heart’s in need of an antiseptic From the past thorns I’m stressing And she still loves me I’m unable to love Fully, completely She says until I’m ready That she’ll complete me… She tries too hard to love me In hopes that I’ll come around And lose all my doubts I want to see the rose, too. Said I’d spite my nose like the sphinx Or my arms like Venus Just a chance for us to be this All in hopes to hold you You’re my rose, I told you. But it’s hard to know you Love unconditionally When you’re not supposed to. Am I Worth You? Take this flesh away Take this stress away The flesh led astray leads the bless away. And all I want Is an embrace upon my soul She tries too hard to love me. Eventually, the trying Will become Old. Eventually, she'll try so hard, She'll hate me. And then, love can be tolled...
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The Council
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06-29-05, 03:53 PM | #2 | |||||
[ a.k.a Os ]
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IP: F519 0F67
Always gettin slept on......can i get some feedback please thanks
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The Council
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06-29-05, 07:35 PM | #3 | |||
Poet's Daughter.
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IP: 7551 B481
Hmm dayum. I like the style you use here. The Imaginary was good. The best aspect from your verse was the emotion, i loved it. The vocab was weak here, but it didnt affect this piece. I loved The approach you took, and it's original which makes me more better. The concept is nice. I loved how you portrait like "Will she love me...will she love me not" Kinda thing..But this a nice poem here.
Leave a feedback on my poem called "Burnt Bridges"....Thank you.
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06-30-05, 01:15 AM | #4 | |||||
A Reflection Of The Past
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IP: 2029 97B3
true this was a very nice write man,not quite there with the vocab on this one, but the nice emotions is what took over this piece and the vivid imagery you displayed is what made it interestng.....nice read man
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