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Sharp Perfection.
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gambling hearts
IP: 4427 B15C
A heart placed on the card table,
Bet out for the next hand, He was sure he would win, But the winners always had their day When everything went wrong, When the losers won And all was lost Even the heart of the one he loved. Thou he did not know it, But that heart had been stone cold, Even thou the face still smiled There was no fire burning there. He had placed his love on the line Which pulled the last thin string, Now no longer was she mute Or a puppet in his play. The strings had frayed before, But they had managed to hold on. Yet this time it was different, She never wanted to go back. It hurt to move on alone, Still she picked up her feet And tried to vanish from his sight, From the hateful eyes that made her bleed. Away from all her past she went To somewhere she’d never been, Caught hold of a young mans name One you said he’d see her throu, Not wanting to get hurt again But longing for some love, She took a chance and a tiny step And found herself in love. A man who didn’t gamble hearts, Didn’t lie, cheat or steal, Truthful to her he was And managed to help her heal. He does not know how much he helped, Nor has he even imaged, So for how he loved the one he loves I love for loving me Dedicated to Warren E ~Tera~
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R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven Last edited by filed : 01-15-04 at 09:02 AM. |
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.BeTteR ThAn YoO!.
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IP: 1370 FB1A
That was fucking dope...I'm serious ay haha...not many things make me go YEAH! on this site so to get a compliment off me is tops! haha...
"It hurt to move on alone, Still she picked up her feet And tried to vanish from his sight, From the hateful eyes that made her bleed." That was quite nice there...It was just very consistent...nothing very corny at all...well written...Imagery was full on...good on ya..you've done well...Hit my piece up for me ay..."I Always Leave My Lights On"...Cheers...Props & Pz... |
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Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 4427 B15C
thanks for the reply!
~Tera~ DONT HATE
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R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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Guest
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IP: C1DA C961
This was a very heartfelt piece. I loved it. It showed pure emotion and feelings. The flow was great and the imagery was superb. Kind of speechless. Great job ma. Keep it up
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Middle Weight
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IP: D750 9F12
damn, again, u make another great poem. i liked it alot, mostly becouse of the similes and metas. the imagery didnt really get me that much becouse it was mostly similes and metas. vocab was very well done with good words that i could understand and ones that i liked. the message was very well made and was felt fresh even tho it is kinda a regular topic. still powerfull though. great, id give the poem an 8.5 outa 10, but hey thats just me, keep writing and keep showing us those skillz.
-GG-
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..Soft Focus..
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IP: 1B3B C284
This was a good flip type poem. the way you started this i didn't expect it tobe a 'thank you' type thing. but you stayed on topic well and brought together great stanzas. you had a good sence of imagination for this and it worked well the vocab and structer was well done and very desriptive...i enjoyed this read a lot.
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Open Mics The Weathers Art http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673 My Teenage Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850 Secluded http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851 Open Your Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461 |
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Guest
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IP: F718 7AAD
Damn... This was deep hun. Your emotion was full blown through out the whole poem and it basically makes me speechless. Much respect, JT
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Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 4427 B15C
thanks for all the replies guys! love to you all lol
~Tera~ DONT HATE
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R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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New to RB
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IP: 1B3B C284
You are so dope. great piece. nice twist. at the end. very cool. like my periods.
anyways...this had great imagery and emotion i was really clinging to every word you said...wel ldone heart felt |
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Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 4427 B15C
yes thank you all for your replies! much appreciated
~Tera~ DONT HATE
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R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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Guest
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IP: 5922 6E63
~Returning a Favor~
This was simple, It kept in the idea of what you wanted to express on most points. Not really eye popping But nice Drop. Good work. |
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