Something.. I Wrote A While Back... Tell Me Your Thoughts... And.. Opinions What I Could Improve And Work On...

I Would Highly Appriciate It....

This goes out to females who are emotinal from a distance,
Patience is a virtue? Yeah right, check this for instance,
There's this female named danielle she had it really hard,
Family don't like her and her boyfriend is a lard,
Mentally, Physically this lady is good and able,
To work, her broke ass is too hook on video game and cable,
danielle's loser boyfriend is the epitome of the word sloth,
Leaching to the point where the girl is stressed and pissed off,
Crying at work, i try to be comforting when i can,
My shoulders are always available i'm her friend dying to be her woman,

*Fuck this is my dilemma. As her friend i can't intervene,
Can't afford to have ulterior motives known or to be seen,
Guys if you knew her, you'll be like lil swirl I know what you mean,
Be honest and supportive, your reality soon won't be a dream,*

I know love doesnt happen over night
the shit takes time, first we got to be tight,
Her Internal Beauty just glows effortlessly on her skin,
My feelings for Danielle drives me crazy and dont know where to begin,
It's strange not only do i want my tongue inside her,
I want to be her friend, her woman and her soul love provider,
Patience. good things come to those who wait,
When it comes girl, I promise i'll try to be a supper mate,
Keep your head up though, life will change for the better,
Who knows maybe we'll hook up together,
Yeah i wish but if not i'll always be your friend,
Your nice and cool and i'll always have a hand to lend,

*To You*

__________________

Something.. I Wrote A While Back... Tell Me Your Thoughts... And.. Opinions What I Could Improve And Work On...

I Would Highly Appriciate It....
******************************

__________________

okay so is this the same danyelle in your old pics?

__________________


I had to get a new couch, but as you can see the fun continues!

A.I.

lol Her Name Is Danielle... Don't Get It Twisted Nah Im Fucking Wit Chu' ... Yeah.. That's Her...

__________________

so i definitely felt you emotion in this piece. i could critique your piece or give you advice you choose, danielle got it. lol.

__________________


I had to get a new couch, but as you can see the fun continues!

A.I.

Beautifuuly written, you told a nice story, jus make ya rhymes more complex an flash a few multies an it will be beautifully written an a serious piece of lyrical brillance. but overall I'd say its a tight drop

i agree i think your emotion stood out the most, you could have made it more complex. ive seen your drops before, you definitley got the ability. i think you got caught up in the story and your feelings and thats what you were concentrating on. i liked the drop. so do you want some advice on D?

__________________


I had to get a new couch, but as you can see the fun continues!

A.I.

Yeah ^^Gimmie' Some Advice On 'D' .. lol...!!


FaSho Doe.. I Really Appriciate Ya'lls.... Opinions...!! Most Deffenatilly Helps Me Out' .. Imma Try To Do That' ... Next Time Around Be More Complexx? ...!!!

Uppin 4 More FeedBack

*Lil Swirl*

__________________

haha ma girl just keep's droppin these emotional pieces good emotion in this 1 i liked this alot it really brought out your emtional side could have been a lil more complex cause i know u can do betta on that but we will let it slide cause u so god damn fine pc

o yea could u go drop a vote on this alot of people said i beat him but i need votes so could u drop 1 vote honestly for who u think 1 http://community.rapbattles.com/sho...t=133427&page=2


ps-i love you hehehe

^^Thanks Trase For The FeedBack.. And Love..!! Lol' ...!!!! Aint You Sweet!!!

Appriciate It..!!!!!

Wun Luv
*Lil Swirl*

__________________

np girl always happy to give feedback to u pc

Steamy Date

MADD tomorrow we'll meet sorrow we'll defeat, you a thug
With true love your crew thug we'll have sex on a blue rug
MADD my legit mind commit crime when sex legit and fine
Heat accompany fire cock meat a lumpy desire some time
I play out stray about in a mini-skirt cause plenty dirt
Snap thug’s head back brains contains misled facts not alert
To my flirt so MADD you my mate on this date
So MADD lets get this straight don't like mistakes
I'm suppose to give you cake without a debate?
Yes that'll be great, Naw you fake, if you want the cream pies between my thighs
You best have green and lullabies MADD I am true not disguise
My stew brown got on a see through gown be walking around as brown
Sugar so wet down there my curly coochee hairs sweat wet like a hound
Threats to sex are you Cumming to get this? Don’t make me wait around
I'll start playing oh I was lying in bed with my legs spread he jest stuck
Tongue fast in there juice splash everywhere I didn't care having my best luck
That’s the brown body of a down hottie MADD was going crazy
Tonguing it so legit oh shit! You go boy his tongue deep in the flowing gravy
I felt some heat had numb feet started saying stuff oh boo you show do
Make me feel nice I squeal twice had on boss perfume just threw my blue
Panties across the room my pies smoking thighs open unlike Curly coken
Not home alone I jest moan and groan a lot when I’m hot no joking

^What!?!

Lol, anyway, this was a dope piece. I was felling the emotion in your writing alot. And it painted a beautiful picture in my mind. OverallI liked this piece. Keep up the good work. Oh and I didn't tell anyone what happened behind closed doors with us.

__________________
Huh china.