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08-18-05, 12:35 AM | #1 | |||||
Light Weight
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A lil somethin something
IP: 0DB3 4A20
Experiencing willpower of a whole other level
Self control trying to refuse the Devil. Emanating God and erasing out my dirty laundry Trying to stamp out all the amosity the world has to offer, trying to show people the right way to proffer. No more generosity now just straight up hypocrisy wow, did we know just notice the world going hay-wire or are getting so bad that its time to pack the Mayflower Guilt ridden for all the things I’ve done, riddled with semi-auto holes from an imaginary gun. Everything is wicked underneath the Sun. Learning from mistakes and sin’s my body’s tainted, trying to wipe off again and make something really beautiful painted. Building bridges that seemed uncross able, building dwellings for my new life possible. Encasing my soul in a Spirit so divine, I feel let down when I say something I shouldn’t my first time
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Sig Provided by: Christianite 3 nails + 1 cross = 4given No matter how good you are there's always someone better. I'm not the status quo stereotype you want me to be. |
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08-18-05, 12:59 AM | #2 | ||||
Witness, 4 God, 4-Ever
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IP: 50F1 953C
this was good, flowed well, nice topic as always, vocab was pretty good, keep it up girl
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i come from a time when you earned respect, for your rhyme and the way you made words connect, not the money that you made or the girls you sexed, a concept you obviously haven't heard of yet Mars Ill
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08-18-05, 01:01 AM | #3 | |||||
Light Weight
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IP: 0DB3 4A20
Yes, lest not forget I am a female, thanks for that imput, as well as the others C-nite.
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Sig Provided by: Christianite 3 nails + 1 cross = 4given No matter how good you are there's always someone better. I'm not the status quo stereotype you want me to be. |
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08-18-05, 01:50 AM | #4 | ||||
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IP: 0AE0 3B1A
Drop a link please or this will be closed
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The Competition
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08-18-05, 05:27 AM | #5 | ||||||
...Closer Look...
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IP: 5DF0 717D
b4 it gets closed...
well...the structure was quite off on my part...dont separate ur lines do that to ur verses instead cos it would take off the flow feel me?...your rhymin scheme was ok..but b carefull it could seem unrhymed to lots of readers...the scheme u used woulda been iight for an audio sis..but its ur choice...try usin one for one verse and another style for another verse...u get me?...it would give ur piece a multi color..but ur topic was iight yo...keep it up holla at mine (sig) one
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Hit This Up And I'll Hit Your's Too
Yvonne-Early In The Morning S.K.M Quote:
Quote:
Now That's Wassup! |
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08-18-05, 02:06 PM | #6 | |||||
Light Weight
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IP: 0DB3 4A20
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2374080 my link, thanks for the feedback..yvonne, i seperate cuz ppl couldn't figure out my structure, so i simplified I guess in doing that I screwed up. But anyways, thanks.
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Sig Provided by: Christianite 3 nails + 1 cross = 4given No matter how good you are there's always someone better. I'm not the status quo stereotype you want me to be. |
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08-18-05, 11:07 PM | #7 | |||||
A Life Of Chryme
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IP: 3240 794D
ok good piece overall, but ur structure needs work girl.....work on that iight other than that keep postin and ull be fine 1
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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08-18-05, 11:37 PM | #8 | |||||
Light Weight
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IP: E97F DFF7
thanks man, uppin
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Sig Provided by: Christianite 3 nails + 1 cross = 4given No matter how good you are there's always someone better. I'm not the status quo stereotype you want me to be. |
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08-19-05, 10:19 AM | #9 | |||||||
Nt Your Average
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IP: EDA9 884D
good verse you cud use more vocab n the content was good but nedds more work like dat uva dude sed good start to it tho ....
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OYD MAFIA
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