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Old 12-08-05, 04:57 PM   #1
D523
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Lost

IP: 20B2 DF4A

As I walk through this barren land, which I once used to call my town
You’ll never catch me smiling anymore, all you’ll see is a frown
No hope, no point of life, it appears as if everything I once had is now lost
Everything is cris-crossed, and it’s all at my cost
Looking at the establishment that I used to call my home
I can’t feel any love when I’m standing all alone
I sit down and think, I’m constantly reminiscing of my past years
And it appears instead of seeing cheers I’m shedding tears
Scratch from start and it seems that’s the way things are going ro remain
So I go to sleep with a bible and pray to God for a change
I’m on a never-ending search for the so-called bright side
It’s impossible to obtain so my emotions continually subside
Somebody please respond to my vivid cry for help and save me
I’ve taken the poverty and debris to a tolerable degree
Close my eyes because it’s too painful a sight to view
In the blink of an eye, it appears as if my whole life has gone askew
Nothing left to live for, life full of emptiness, pain, sorrow, and misery
I’m living my life like it’s always a no luck guarantee
Loss of all personal positions, but more than that, I no longer have any pride
Because this is the result of my life when anger and drugs collide

this is old.. just wanted to bring back some of my work
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Old 12-08-05, 06:41 PM   #2
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comment on this shit uppin
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Old 12-08-05, 07:06 PM   #3
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Old 12-09-05, 10:18 AM   #4
Po' Wit.
All these Dead Presidents
 
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Your vocab was nice on this piece. Your structure was off and that threw off the lil' flow but all-in-all in came together.

Your emotion was VERY deep but i felt it for the most part. I would have liked a bit more imagery, I had a mental picture goin but not a very descriptive one.

Just work on those things... Other than that... Nice piece man.
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Old 12-09-05, 07:34 PM   #5
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thanks man cmon lets get some more up on here
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Old 12-11-05, 08:18 PM   #6
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uppppppppppppppppppppppinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
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Old 12-11-05, 08:26 PM   #7
Po' Wit.
All these Dead Presidents
 
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ayo, if you can, just go peep my poem... its short and sweet

please and thanks
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Old 12-14-05, 02:59 PM   #8
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last time.. im uppin this shit
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