ill meet u at the park, trust dont be late
this our first date, so dont make her wait
she asked u out, so shes realy into u
dont stand her up and make her seem like a fool
shes had a crush on u ever since that day
that u said hi and gave her a sligh wave
ur always in her mind, time after time
see her sittin in the back, shes the one thats hard to find
always by herself, noone else would give her help
just coming back to talk would immediatly make her melt
ur word were heart felt, and u meant every word u said it
not to get her into bed, or get head, but becuz u meant it
u knew u liked her and u knew she felt likewise
wit her babyblue eyes with her thick thunder thighs
but u couldn't get up the courage to ask her out
ud try to shout, but nothin came out when u opened ur mouth
fastforward to 3 months later, still hopin u could date her
finally buildin up the courage of wut u wanted to say to her
it was valentines day, well atleast the day before
u was abselt from school, but ur friend had the # of course
so u begged and pleaded for him to give it up
hes like fuck, cant give it uout she gave me her trust
but eventually u get it, and promise not to tell
but wut would i say if she asked about the #, well..
guess ill tell the truth, niggas i cant lie,
o by the way everythin in the story is true, why
why u ask would i spill out my heart,
cuz everybody need to move on and this is where i start
well back to the story, this how the rest goes
it was 9:00 on friday and call her on the telephone
her pops picks up and i almost froze
but god knows im stronger so i rose
and sayed could i talk to janelle, he said yes
but he had to ask if janelly as there yet
finally she picked up and told her who i was
she knew that i liked her from the school~wide buzz
asked if she was in a rush, but wel i didn't give a fuck
i said wut i needed to say, plus a happy valentines day
hopin she wasn't gonna just send me on my way
she said scott, u know in all 4 years i havent had a boyfriend
im a straight A student and that could be like poisen
right there i knew it wouldn't be a yes, but theres hope i guess
took her long enough to come up with an answer
guess it was i wasnt atheltic or cuz i was a gangster
but she said no, but it was me perosnally
she said that i would have been a "first for me"
so i wasted my good lines on her, before bustin on her
guess i should have waited and not rushed this on her
but hopefully i can still be her friend, hopefully
i guess i could ask her to the prom, well hope~for~me

bump

bump

anyone wanna cirtique me

Try Not To Up It So Much.

But this was ok i thought.....i kinda liked it, it could have been better i thought...i usually write about love stuff lol....but i think you could have done better on this though....structure could be fixed up a bit, try evening your lines out a bit more to make it flow better....try making it more complex too....but keep at it.