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01-19-04, 03:37 PM | #1 | ||||||
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Awakened~Re-Awakened
IP: 51E4 E42F
You can hear your pulse punding inside your head
Ya eyes are watering, sockets black outline, dead Ya body is nothing then a ice cold cadaver ready Ya mind preserved in...ya thoughts become steady The college class comes forward to disect ya body No..its not right..stop..it's chritsmas..you see holly It's back to the time before you were slaugtherd All you can see in your eyes is red..brain faultered? This was the night your family was taken from you You can see the killers starting to that them..in 2's You scream..but your moans drowned out by pain Your back in the class..but your thoughts..insane An insertion through the scalp as your skin is down The students wince..some have a scorn..or a frown BOOM..you move your hands do the doctor cutting Pull the skin back to your face and stick it in place The doctor yells..disgrace..leave..now...post haste You run from the room into the street with fright Look left...right...in front of you glowing bright lights It's over your dead..another awaking will occur tonight Just a little something that I came up with, I was bored, see if you like it. All kinds of feedback are welcome.
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<center>Soloist Artist's Artifact Look Into My Eye's<center> |
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01-19-04, 04:17 PM | #2 | ||||||
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IP: 51E4 E42F
Uppin for some feedback from your guys.
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<center>Soloist Artist's Artifact Look Into My Eye's<center> |
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01-19-04, 10:56 PM | #3 | ||||||
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IP: 1565 5AB7
Alright, I think that this is a fairly good Open Mic yet no one wants to look at it, come on now. Please check this out.
Uppin For Feedback.
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<center>Soloist Artist's Artifact Look Into My Eye's<center> |
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01-19-04, 10:59 PM | #4 | ||||||
New to RB
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IP: EC0B 84C7
this was decent, not great, I've seen better on here... But I can tell you put something into, though it was vocab lol... but no worries there...
your flow got fucked up a few times, the .. thing don't help lol... some of the positives were a few good multi's, work on that, u definately need more... and i think i spotted a meta or two... |
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01-23-04, 07:41 PM | #5 | ||||||
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IP: 3130 5C41
I did have goot meta's and I thought the flow was really good the whole way through, none the less thanks for the feedback.
Uppin for some more feedback.
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<center>Soloist Artist's Artifact Look Into My Eye's<center> |
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